Breaking Twilight
by Putnam Grey
Summary: Robert Pattinson finds himself inexplicably trapped in the Twi-verse with his polar opposite. When they square off in Forks, WA, will either one survive, or will Stephenie Meyer's world cease to exist altogether?
1. Flying High

**Summary:** Actor Robert Pattinson was all about method acting, until it completely consumed him. Mackenzie Brooks hated all things Twilight, especially Edward Cullen. When these two square off in Forks, WA, will either one survive, or will Stephenie Meyer's world cease to exist altogether?

**Rating:** R for Ridiculousness, and for language and sensuality

**Status:** Work in Progress**  
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**Category:** crackfic; RP fiction

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Flying High**

_(Robert Pattinson)_

I clutched the tattered pages of the manuscript to my chest as I wriggled my body against the fabric of the chair. First class was far more comfortable than coach but finding sleep while at a cruising altitude of 50,000 some feet was never an easy task. I had always found it difficult to clear my head but, in the past year, it'd become damn near impossible. Sometimes, usually while teetering along the cusp of consciousness, I felt that my reality was nothing more than an impossible dream that I was sure to wake up from at any moment. Every time I opened my eyes, the blinding camera flashes, paired with people frantically shouting my name reminded me that I wasn't dreaming.

My eyelids lazily opened as a loud sigh escaped from my lips. I stared down at the ragged pages in my hand and thumbed through them until I found my marker. How many hours had I spent pouring over those words? I knew them by heart; they had almost become my own. Edward Cullen wasn't as impossibly perfect as people romanticized him to be. He had many flaws, namely his desire to torture himself by believing his existence to be perilous. Miraculously, Bella Swan entered his life, irrevocably changing everything he thought to be certain.

I couldn't help but crack a small smile as I thought about the way Kristen's bottom lip protruded in a pathetic pout while costuming struggled to put her ridiculous wig back in place. The weave used in _New Moon_ was definitely easier to manage but the excruciating pain it'd caused her was reason enough to return to wearing a wig during the filming of _Eclipse_. Regardless, some sort of Hollywood magic had been necessary to hide her jagged jet black hair. I had to give her insurmountable credit for being brave enough to go that extreme for a film. Taking on the role of iconic rocker Joan Jett in _The Runaways _had been a risky move, one that she received mixed feedback on. The film achieved notable success but not to the extent that it should have. Kristen's performance was bloody brilliant, and I was as in awe of her then as I'd ever been.

She was in so many ways my muse. I had her to thank for everything that had happened to me in the past few years and showered her with appreciation at every turn. It was Kristen who prompted Catherine Hardwicke to take a chance by casting me; that, and our extraordinary chemistry together. Neither Kristen nor I could have predicted how insane our lives would become after that fateful first reading.

_Twilight_ had been a dynamite blockbuster, piloting both of us to instant fame in its wake. By the release of its sequel, _New Moon_, the two of us were household names, and I had become one of the most sought after actors in Hollywood. It was difficult not to get a big head from all the attention, not to mention the money, the cars, and the women who made the most outrageous requests that would've caused me to blush if I wasn't such a perverted bastard myself. However, my older sister Lizzie's previous brush with fame as a musician kept me grounded. Just like everything else, I knew that it wouldn't last forever. For as quickly as I had been thrust into the limelight, it could be over just as fast. Taking the advice of my manager Nick and one of my agent's Stephanie, I tried to enjoy it, though it wasn't always easy.

Fame held varying degrees, with international recognition being near the very top of the scale. Somehow, I found myself within this world-renown celebrity status – for better, or worse. Although I could have practically anything or anyone I wanted, it came with a high price: my privacy and freedom. As a young, naïve actor lusting over the glories of being involved in American films, I eagerly gave my life away, consequences be damned. For a while, I was alright with that decision. Between my amazing friends and supportive, yet overly protective and embarrassing family, my world only seemed to improve. Though, as my fame escalated, there were times when I cursed myself for choosing that life.

Kristen handled herself amazingly and I always took cues from her. Our friendship had grown exponentially since _Twilight_, and though our attraction for one another was undeniable, it hadn't been until shooting _New Moon_ that we began exploring the possibility of a romantic relationship. We had been linked together in countless tabloids and in every language. Still, the thought of dating publically while the entire world watched was extremely uncomfortable.

Although I might be young and idealistic, I'm not ignorant to the disaster that befell the majority of high profile romances. Either the public pressure would become too much or couples would succumb to "mirror envy," a symptom that occurred when two high powered people come together only for their relationship to end in some horribly dramatic way usually caused by the fact that one's career far outshined the other's; simple jealousy. The only relationships I'd ever known to work out were those in which one counterpart took the backseat, allowing the other to remain in the forefront.

Kristen and I were young talents. Neither one of us would ask the other to fade into the background nor would we be willing to comply with such a request. Perhaps if things became more serious then that would be a discussion to be had. In our current state, we wanted to go after our own dreams and secure our own fates. It was for that reason amongst all others that we resigned ourselves to date as secretively as possible.

Initially, it was difficult to evade the media. They'd already painted us as a couple and were just waiting to get the coveted proof. We met in private at undisclosed locations and spent much of our time on set together. If we went out in public together we made sure to always be in a group, and even then we maintained our distance. Of course, there was the occasional hand-holding and gentle caress. It was enough to keep the gossip mongers salivating but not nearly enough to send them into frenzy. We didn't want our relationship to affect filming, and with only one more installment of _The Twilight Saga_ left to shoot, we kept careful boundaries.

Dating like this was difficult, and it didn't come without consequence. Though our physical intimacy increased, neither she nor I was willing to give our heart away. That wasn't to say I didn't love her and she didn't return my affection, it was more so that we were practical. She was barely in her twenties and I was just four years her senior. It was too soon for us to be thinking about marriage, children, and the lot. We'd only begun to broach those subjects and knew that the true test of our relationship would be dating publicly, understanding that we couldn't stay cocooned in our blissful solitude forever. We had already slipped on far too many occasions, and it was only a matter of time before our charade came to an end. I only prayed that when it did, it wouldn't mean the end of us entirely.

My smile grew wider as I continued to think of Kristen. It'd been weeks since I had last seen her, and though we talked on the phone nearly every day, I couldn't wait to be back in her mesmerizing presence. I found it incredible that it was already fall of 2010. Months ago September seemed so far away. In just a few hours, the plane would touchdown on the west coast and I would be reunited with my _Twilight_ cast mates, namely Kristen.

Over the course of filming the last three movies within the series, we'd all become rather close. I felt a twinge of sadness knowing that this would be the last time we would all come together. True, _Breaking Dawn_ would be split into two films, ensuring maximum profit at the box-office. However, we would be shooting the last movie all at once. Then, _The Twilight Saga_ would come to an end. I mulled over what life would be like after Edward Cullen but didn't linger on those thoughts for long. I still needed to channel him once more before I could shed my vampire skin forever.

With that, I carefully folded back the pages of the manuscript I held and began to reread the familiar words.

"_My former irritation at being stymied by her silent thoughts was weak and pale in comparison for the need—and the hate—that possessed me know. For I hated this frail woman-child beside me, hated her with all the fervor with which I clung to my former self, my love of my family, my dreams of being something better than I what I was…Hating her, hating how she made me feel—it helped a little. Yes, the irritation I'd felt before was weak, but it, too, helped a little. I clung to any emotion that distracted me from imagining what she would taste like…"_

Stephenie Meyer's words never ceased to inspire me. The two of us has discussed Edward Cullen at length, disagreeing at times about the cause of his rather unpleasant disposition but nevertheless seeking the same goal. We both wanted her character to come alive, or undead, on screen as she imagined. She'd provided me with her unpublished and unfinished manuscript of _Midnight Sun_, which gave me a wealth of insight into my character. However, _Midnight Sun_ only catalogued Edward's prospective through _Twilight_ and wasn't nearly half complete.

I felt lost going into _New Moon_ but the screenplay had been so brilliantly adapted by Melissa Rosenberg that my anxiety was eased, though minimally. Chris Weitz, the director of _New Moon_, had sensed my discomfort and had coaxed Stephenie into providing me with more direction. I was utterly baffled when she showed up at the doorstep of my trailer and thrust a pathetic and ragged notebook into my hands.

"This is my life, Pattinson. Don't screw it up," she had warned with a weak smile, disappearing before I had a chance to respond.

What Stephenie had given me wasn't literally her life but it might as well have been. Inside the well-worn notebook was a collection of illegible scribbles, scraps of paper, beautifully written passages, and quick notes—all details of Edward Cullen's story. She had intended to rewrite _The Twilight Saga_ from his perspective but unfortunately the first installment, _Midnight Sun_, was leaked. It was quite a blow for Stephenie to receive such negative feedback on rough, incomplete work. I could only imagine how difficult it must have been for her to decide to discontinue her writing pursuit. Although her desire to publicly tell Edward's story was suspended indefinitely, privately she persevered on the off-chance that one day Edward Cullen might resurface.

Stephenie's notes were sacred, and I was eternally grateful that she entrusted me with such personal affects. I kept the notebook, along with a copy of _Midnight Sun _secured close by me at all times, vowing to return these items once _Breaking Dawn_ wrapped.

I poured over her notes, beginning my mental transformation into Edward Cullen. Though he was familiar to me as I'd played the role before, it was still a challenging task to become the brooding vampire. I felt confident that all the pieces would fall together once I was back on set with Kristen. I could play off of her with ease, and I was looking forward to our many scenes together.

A small part of me was a bit nervous though. _Breaking Dawn_ called for us to be more intimate than the previous three films. I'd had plenty of these experiences while acting in other roles, having even been romantic with another man. _Breaking Dawn_ would require much less nudity and sexuality than previous roles I had held, yet sharing on-screen intimacy with Kristen was still nerve racking. We'd seen each other much more naked than we would be while filming but that had always been private, just between the two of us. The thought of sharing ourselves openly, even acting as Bella and Edward, made me feel queasy.

I shook these thoughts from my head and instead concentrated on the scraps of paper in my hand. I needed to focus before I could get too ahead of myself.

_Edward Cullen._

_Edward Masen Cullen._

_Edward Anthony Masen Cullen._

I repeated my character's many monikers, trying in vain to wrap myself around him but knew my efforts were futile. Although I could bring Edward to life, I would never truly understand him. I wasn't even sure if Stephenie Meyer knew him wholly and completely. I slowly slipped into realms of insanity as I allowed my brain to wander aimlessly. I understood that _Twilight_ was a work of fiction, pure fantasy with passé romantic undertones—the good girl falls for the guy on the other side of the tracks; the devilishly handsome, impossibly perfect and wealthy man wants the seemingly ordinary girl above anyone else; star-crossed lovers try to defy fate and fight for a happily ever after. All these cliché's fit the bill with one hell of a twist of course. It all made perfect sense yet was completely outside of my grasp at the same time. Perhaps if I lived it, if I was there in the small, dismal town of Forks, Washington, then I would understand.

As this last thought flitted through my head, I almost choked on my laughter.

_Perhaps if I lived it? _I was clearly delirious and in need of sleep.

I closed the tattered notebook and placed it in the satchel next to me. My head lolled to the side as I reclined the seat back and stretched out my legs. Just before I fell to sleep, I repeated a familiar mantra.

_Edward Cullen._

_Edward Masen Cullen._

_Edward Anthony Masen Cullen._

Someday, perhaps, I would know him.

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_**1 **_Meyer, Stephenie. _Midnight Sun_.(StephenieMeyer . com: 2008), 14


	2. Hating Twilight

**Hating Twilight**

_(Mackenzie Brooks)_

I tugged on the sides of the oversized maroon bathrobe that hung from my body, fighting off shivers. My grim face broke into a coughing fit, and I groaned once the heaving subsided. Sniffling, I grabbed a half empty box of tissues before flopping down in the dark blue recliner that sat in my living room. Though I wasn't one for pity parties, I was beginning to feel sorry for myself. It was day three of my lousy cold with no sign of reprieve. I moaned as I blew my nose; the once soft tissues felt like rough parchment against my raw, tender skin.

"Maybe if you stopped being such a stubborn ass and went to the doctor like I told you to, you wouldn't be in such a state!" my sister Dani scolded. She set a piping hot cup of tea on the end table next to my chair.

"What would I do without my overbearing, excuse me, doting sister?" I teased, though I was grateful for her company. It was nice having someone to care for me while I battled the seasonal flu. I gripped onto the oversized mug, feeling its warmth against my cold palms. Bringing the cup up to my face, I breathed in the calming steam, barely able to smell the sweet aroma of orange and jasmine.

"You just better not get me sick. Getting whatever you have isn't exactly the best way to repay my kindness!" Dani spat, taking a seat on the far side of the couch. She flicked on the television and began mindlessly cycling through the channels.

"I just wish I could sleep, like really sleep, you know?" I whined, taking a sip of hot tea. "I've been in and out, but I can't seem to completely pass out."

"Maybe you should get drunk? That's always worked before." She stuck her tongue out at me and winked mischievously.

Dani continued to flip through the channels before settling on _E! News_. One thing I knew about my sister, she was absolutely hooked on celebrity gossip. I didn't understand what sort of entertainment she got out of following Perez Hilton or reading the crap magazines in the supermarket check-out lane. It was especially comical that she was picky about where she received her bullshit news. She would never stoop so low as watching _TMZ_ or reading _US Weekly_. She preferred much more _reliable_ sources such as _People_, which she insisted was not a tabloid. Personally, I thought she chose this gossip rag over others solely because of the crossword puzzle. Regardless, it was all the same to me—bullshit. I could give a rat's ass about who was dating who and, consequently, who was cheating on whom. Nor did I care about what celebrities looked like without make-up or who had Cellulite.

I grimaced as I looked on at the television. I truly couldn't stand Ryan Seacrest. He looked like such a smarmy bastard on his way to becoming the next Chuck Woolery has-been. However, Dani's generosity in taking care of my sick ass caused me to keep my grumblings to myself.

Glancing over at my sister, I noticed a glossy look spread over her face; she was truly mesmerized by this crap. Her eyes immediately widened when footage of two particular celebrities ran across the screen. Looking back at the TV I recognized the male celebrity at once as the guy who I thought was in desperate need of a bath and some new clothes. He was holding hands with one of his costars, a chick that looked like she would eat him alive though she claimed to be shy and awkward. To be fair, I knew their names, it was impossible not to. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were everywhere.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. I hated _Twilight_ with a passion, along with everything in its relation. Sadly, my sister had fallen into the _Twi_-cult, never to resurface. Months before the release of the first _Twilight_ film, one of my co-workers had been all up in arms about the book series. Soon, everyone in my office had become addicted to the novels and were pining over the release of the movie. Wanting to stay in the loop, I borrowed my sister's copies. It didn't take me long to read them. The writing was fairly juvenile, nowhere near the complex stories with carefully crafted prose and profound passages that I preferred reading. I couldn't be too harsh though, the series was intended for young adults after all. The whole concept was just not my thing.

Dani and I had had the "_Twi_-Fight" too many times to count. She longed for me to slip into its so-called romantic themes and fall in love with vampires and werewolves. That was definitely _not_ going to happen. I found _The Twilight Saga_ to be completely ridiculous. To be fair, I didn't actually read the entire thing word for word; I mostly skimmed it, skipping _New Moon_ completely. I caught the gist on Wikipedia and didn't feel like I missed much—more terrible teenage angst, the beginning of a trivial love triangle, and the depressing musings of the "heroine" who I found to be a horrible role model for young girls.

Honestly, throughout the entire series it seemed "Bella" had a very low opinion of herself. Her self-esteem only shifted when an impossibly perfect yet crazy stalker vampire, showed interest in her. Even then, she was miserable when she talked about herself. And Edward Cullen, ugh, I couldn't believe the world's infatuation with the creep. He'd been sneaking into Bella's bedroom for months and when she discovered this detail, she just giggled and said "okay." In what world would that be _okay_? Regardless, I didn't understand what someone like him would see in someone like her. I know, I know, it's 'cause she smelled good or whatever. Still, the whole thing was just plain silly.

I'd had no intention on seeing the movie, but Dani dragged me to it, having an extra ticket she didn't want to go to waste. _Twilight_ was one of the most hilarious movies I'd ever seen, albeit unintentional. The story line was trite, much like the books, and the acting just the same. I found the entire thing to be completely unbelievable and had no problem voicing my minority opinion.

"_It's about vampires and werewolves, Kenzie. It's not supposed to be believable!" Dani defended._

"_Oh, I could get on board with the vampire thing," I chuckled._

"_Then what's so 'unbelievable?'" she scoffed angrily._

"_Um, did you actually see the people at that high school?" I asked. My sister looked at me quizzically. "This movie is supposed to take place at Boondock High in Nowhere, Washington, damn near Canada, right?" Dani opened her mouth to correct me with the proper names but decided to just nod instead. "How the hell is there that much diversity in a small ass town? Seriously, if I paused at any given school scene, I could practically count all the different ethnicities represented. I'm no expert, but I'm willing to bet that the U.S. Census didn't register that many Asians in that one town!"_

That had been just one snippet in a series of arguments related to _Twilight. _I hadn't bothered to see _New Moon_ or _Eclipse_, and my sister hadn't asked me to go with her. Along with everyone else, I couldn't wait for the theater release of _Breaking Dawn._ After that, maybe life would return to normal and the _Twilight_ craze would die off. I knew that it would only be replaced by another sensation, prompting a new pair of young, rich, flawless actors to the forefront.

I scowled as I looked at Kristen Stewart, wishing I had her clear skin or her money to buy the pharmaceutical miracle that manufactured it. Yes, I was proud, and yes, I was envious; who wouldn't be? I was a twenty-four year old college student, living off of a measly graduate assistant salary, praying to God I could find a job post-graduation in a dismal economy. Robert Pattinson looked too drunk to spell his own name; too bad he hadn't chosen "Bob" as a nickname. Yet, there he stood in a designer suit, while my $100 polyester blend ensemble that I purchased on sale at JC Penny's hung in my closet, waiting to be worn for the first time. Life wasn't fair.

"Can we please turn this shit off?" I whined.

"God, Mackenzie, you're such a kill joy. Can't you appreciate art when it's staring you in the face?" Dani bit back, clutching the remote to her side for safe keeping, as if my sick ass would get up and try to take it from her.

"Rob what's-his-face? Seriously, Dani? I thought you had better taste than that!" I jabbed, repulsed by the thought of finding Robert Pattinson sexy.

"Whatever, Kenzie. Look, I'm not Robsessed or anything; I simply find Robward dreamy," she stated defiantly.

"Robsessed? Robward? Are you speaking English?" I questioned, feeling lost by her tabloid-lingo.

"What's your issue with RPattz, anyway?" she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Issue, more like issues," I replied. "For one, he's a total mouth-breather."

"Um, don't we all breathe from our mouths?" Dani asked, annoyed.

"Um, yeah," I mocked. "But we also have this thing called a nose and unless one is sick, like me, normally one can manage to use that part of the body to intake and expel oxygen. _RPattz, _being the genius he is, can't seem to figure that one out. His mouth is always open, making him appear quite dumb, which might not be short of the truth anyway."

"I don't know why you hate him so much! Only you would find such a fault, but only on him," she accused.

"Oh no, Megan Fox is a mouth-breather too. Although I think she keeps her mouth open and on display in hopes that someone will fill it. I foresee a highly lucrative porn career in her future." I laughed to myself but noticed my sister's cheeks growing hot and knew I'd gone too far; she loved Megan Fox.

"You know what, Mackenzie? You pretty much suck!" Dani fumed, clicking off the television.

"Dani!" I pleaded. "I'm sorry. It's the drugs, they're making me cranky and bitter." I put on my best apologetic face, hoping she would forgive me.

"Fine, but we're done talking about _Twilight_!" Dani declared.

"It's about time," I said before I could stop myself. "I mean, yeah, okay."

"You sit over there, so high and mighty, despite your disgusting cold, which is freaking gross, by the way, and you are so quick to pass judgment. I've heard you bitch all about Bella and what an immature child she is, but you're no better," she yelled bitterly.

"Dani—" I tried to interject, but was cut off.

"You know, you could use a little Edward Cullen in your life! You probably think you're too good for someone like that though. Well, I've got news for you; he's too good for you! As far as Rob Pattinson is concerned, I bet someone like him, famous or not, would never be attracted to someone as judgy and unappreciative as you. It's a damn good thing that Edward Cullen doesn't exist and that you'll never meet Rob Pattinson in person; you would certainly beat out any blissful happiness either might have!"

Dani finished her tirade and was off the couch before I could stop her. I was too weak to chase her through my apartment.

"I hope you feel better!"

With that, she slammed the front door, leaving me in my helpless misery.

_I really am a heartless bitch._ I frowned as my head began to throb. My sister would forgive me, but I knew I needed to do some major groveling once I was well.

_Stupid, goddamn Edward Cullen and Rob Pattinson! _I inwardly growled.

Dani was right about one thing, it was a good thing I would never meet either one. Though that was the deepest, darkest fantasy of many, for me, it would be a living hell.


	3. The Elusive and Delusional Edward Cullen

**The Elusive and Delusional Edward Cullen**

_(Robert Pattinson)_

I groaned audibly as I fought to keep my eyes closed but it was so fucking loud that finding my way back to sleep was impossible. Strangely, I wasn't even tired. Noises came from everywhere. It was as if everyone was talking at once directly into my eardrum.

"Damn it!" I snarled, as my eyes popped open.

The streaks of sunlight that cascaded through the large glass windows encasing the room were almost blinding. I sat up at once, taking in my surroundings. I knew this room, I knew it well; it was Edward Cullen's room. I brought my hand up to my forehead and raked it through my perfectly quaffed hair, trying to remember how I'd gotten here. I arose from the large black leather sofa, desperate to gain my bearings.

To say I was impressed by the new movie set was an understatement. Budgetary reasons had forced filming out of Vancouver back to the States. I'd heard that the studio salvaged what they could but was surprised that they'd chosen to completely redo Edward's room, especially since I couldn't remember there being a scene in the script that would require this much detail of his room.

_Revisions,_ I assumed. Still, I was floored by the elaborate set; Summit had evidently spared no expense.

I was surprised that no one had disturbed me from my slumber but was grateful all the same. Being caught napping on set definitely would not look good. Playing the role of a teenage vampire wasn't exactly Oscar worthy but it had given me a jump start into my career as an actor, and I was extremely thankful. Though some might look at the role as trivial in comparison to what I could be doing, I wasn't lofty enough to realize I had a long way to go in order to solidify myself as a serious actor. I wanted to make a name for myself other than Edward Cullen, and I knew being professional was one way to establish myself as someone directors and studios would want to work with.

I turned around, expecting to see an expansive back lot or warehouse behind me, but was surprised to find myself completely encased by walls, some of which were nearly entirely made of large glass windows. After doing a complete one-eighty faster than I thought possible, I realized that I was in an actual room.

_Are we shooting in someone's flat?_ I silently questioned.

It seemed a bit odd but not too unbelievable. If the location managers had found a house that met the specific needs of the film, it would be cheaper to shoot there, though extremely difficult. I wondered how they would get the cameras, boom mics, and other equipment in the bedroom, but shrugged my shoulders. Filmmakers were magicians in disguise; they probably had something fantastic up their sleeves.

It was still overly noisy. I was so distracted by my surroundings and feeling of disorientation that I almost drowned out the boisterous sounds coming from beyond the bedroom. I recognized the voices of my cast mates instantly, all but Kristen's that was. I frowned, wondering where she was. I made my way across the soft carpet and opened the door, caught off guard by the long paneled hallway. It was almost as if I was _in_ Edward Cullen's house, or at least the one Stephenie Meyer had described.

_Some psychotic fan probably built this in tribute._ I laughed to myself knowing that this was a complete possibility. _Twilight_ fans were anything if not obsessive.

I traveled down a staircase, surprised not to find anyone else around. The voices were so obnoxiously loud I thought for certain I would discover my co-stars at the base of the stairs. From what little I'd seen of the house, I could tell that it was enormous and guessed that the voices had carried throughout its elegant walls. I skipped down a massive staircase and was infiltrated by many scents. Immediately, I recognized each one and rapidly categorized them as belonging to my cast mates but was caught off guard by the sensation. Perhaps whatever I'd taken to help me fall asleep was causing my senses to heighten. Ever since I'd woken up my eyesight seemed much sharper as well as my reflexes.

At the bottom of the staircase I was greeted by a large open expanse, separated by architectural embellishments like I'd never seen. Kellan Lutz and Jackson Rathbone sat on a couch in the living room area, fully engrossed by a video game. Nikki Reed was fiddling with some sort of large metal object I didn't recognize, seemingly trying to take it apart, while Ashley Greene sat sideways in an oversized armchair, putting the finishing touches on her toe nail polish.

To say I was surprised to see my coworkers lounging about would be a gross understatement. Though we tended to horse around, none of us were careless enough to mess with the set. What I found infinitely most disturbing was the fact that I could hear each of them clear as day yet no one seemed to be talking.

_What the hell? _Clearly I was beyond delusional.

I ventured across the room until I reached the others, but no one flinched. I cleared my throat, not trusting my voice, and was thankful when Jackson paused the video game.

"What's going on, brother?" Jackson asked, using an unfamiliar greeting. "You seem tense."

"I feel a bit wonky," I replied honestly, though I felt a little more than just wonky. I felt fucking weird, like I was on drugs, which I knew I was definitely not on.

"Nice accent, but we're not in England," Ashley quipped from where she sat.

_I know we're not in bloody England! _I thought angrily, although now that she mentioned it, I didn't know where the hell I was.

"Yeah, you might want to tone that down, Edward," Kellan added.

Okay, clearly they were just joking around, trying to shake the British out of me to ensure nothing slipped when I dropped my accent. I smiled meekly, attempting to appreciate their gesture, though I thought it to be a bit rude.

"So, what are we all pissing about for, then?" I said with an over exaggerated American accent.

"That's more like it!" Kellan laughed, standing up and slapping my back hard.

"We've been waiting for you, as always," Nikki replied, never taking her eyes away from the complex object in her hand.

Had I done something to piss her off? I tried to remember but couldn't think of anything. In fact, the past few days were completely blank. The last thing I remembered was being on a plane bound for America. I felt panic begin to rise but did my best to shove it away, not wanting to alarm my cast mates.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Jackson drawled out.

"Uh, yeah, sorry," I mumbled, trying to play it cool.

"So, what do you think about the new girl?" Kellan asked, changing the subject.

"We haven't even seen her yet, how could he possibly have an opinion?" Nikki replied in a bored voice, still fixated on her tinkering.

"She's going to be great, I know it!" Ashley chirped, beaming with excitement.

_New girl? What new girl?_ I assumed they were talking about one of the new cast members but had no idea which one. Bryce Howard had replaced Rachelle Lefevre in _Eclipse_ but that was old news so they couldn't have meant her. _Breaking Dawn_ involved a myriad of actors new to _The Twilight Saga_; I didn't have a clue as to which particular person they were referencing. It was clear that they were all in the know and I didn't want to appear absolutely brainless, so I shrugged my shoulders.

I'd had enough of their strange behavior. I wanted to talk to my manager about whatever sleeping medication I was taking. I wanted to see Kristen. I wanted a bloody cigarette. My throat was burning like crazy, and I couldn't think of anything that would be more soothing than a few drags, though for some reason it didn't sound appealing.

"Where is everyone?" I asked, downplaying the American accent but still keeping up the rouse.

"Carlisle and Esme?" Jackson asked. "I think they're in Carlisle's office."

_Carlisle and Esme? _I was all for method acting but even this was getting too strange. Just as I was about to ask about Kristen, Elizabeth Reaser and Peter Facinelli appeared out of nowhere.

"Running behind, kids?" Peter asked with a sparkle in his eyes.

_Finally, some sense of normalcy!_ Peter and I had become quite close over the last few years. He was a source of guidance and was someone I felt I could trust and look to in a world full of people who seemed to have ulterior motives.

"We were waiting for the golden boy over here to grace us with his presence," Nikki answered wryly. "Where were you anyway?"

"Um…" I hesitated to answer but decided telling the truth about my catnap wouldn't hurt; they would all understand. "I was just having a rest."

Kellan snorted in laughter at my response.

"Ha! He makes jokes, he uses crude, yet funny British slang; I love this kid!" he broadcasted loudly. "It's about time someone pulled the pole from out your ass. It was shoved really far up there though, but I said that one day you wouldn't be such a—"

"Emmett, that's enough," Elizabeth scolded, yet her words had been so sweet one would hardly think of her as being reprimanding.

_Emmett? Oh no, not Elizabeth too!_ I groaned.

Suddenly, I attuned myself to the voices around me, realizing once again that I could hear them clear as day amongst the silence.

_Edward, are you sure you're alright?_ Jackson silently asked, concerned.

_What happened to your hair? It's completely disheveled._ Ashley's shook her head.

_My children are so wonderful; I am truly blessed_, Elizabeth's voice sang out merrily.

_Edward, son, we should discuss some business later. _Peter looked at me.

Hold the phone! What the hell was going on? I was either completely off my trolley or high as a motherfucking kite. At the moment, I couldn't decide which was worse.

"Well, are we going to just 'piss about' or what?" Kellan elbowed me in the gut. The contact had been rough, or rather seemed to be as much, but I felt nothing.

"I loathe rushing, so if we are going to leave, then let's get on with it already," Nikki said, placing the now dismantled object on an end table before rising to her feet with such speed I needed to blink.

"Edward, your eyes look awfully dark, maybe you should stay behind?" Ashley suggested. _A hunt would do you some good,_ she added, though her voice remained silent.

"I'm just a bit tired is all," I said weakly, and Kellan laughed once again.

"Isn't that the understatement of the century?" Jackson teased.

I could no longer keep my panic at bay as my eyes began to sweep the room. Suddenly, my world came crashing down on me. Everything made sense yet it was so entirely insane, and I knew I was only steps closer to needing a padded cell.

_Holy. Shit. _My mind raced trying to think of any other plausible explanation than the one currently staring me in the face.

"I'm Edward Cullen," I gasped aloud in disbelief.

"Great job, genius," Nikki said flatly. "Now that _that's_ settled, can we please get in the car and go?"

* * *

**End Notes:** I adapted the description of the Cullen's house from Stephenie Meyer's description in chapters Fifteen and Sixteen of _Twilight_.


	4. The Grass is Always Greener in Forks

**The Grass is Always Greener in Forks**

_(Mackenzie Brooks)_

What. The. Fuck? I wasn't one to drop unnecessary "f-bombs," but this was so beyond messed up that there were no other words.

Through the dense fog I could make out an abundance of greenery. It was all so green, like mossy, forest green; the kind of green that biologists or geologists or some other type of "ogist" would crap themselves over. There was a knock at my bedroom door before _he _entered.

"I s'pose you're nervous and all, but hell, you'll be fine, Bells," he tried to encourage.

"Thanks," I gave my best reassuring smile, though my insides were crawling.

Only two hours ago I had awoken in a strange and small bed. I sprung to my feet immediately, confused by my unfamiliar surroundings. Where the hell was I? And in who's room? I wondered. My first thought was that I must've had entirely too much to drink and gone home from the bars with a complete stranger. That thought made me want to vomit, but as I brought the purple comforter up to my chin to burry my face in it, I noticed its happy color. Unless I had gone home with a decidedly gay stranger, this was definitely no man's bedroom. Besides, what grown adult slept in a twin bed? Crawling out of the blanketed warmth, my bare feet touched down on the cold wooden floor. I realized that I was wearing pajamas and wondered who's they were as they were definitely not something I owned.

I fumbled for a light switch and shielded my eyes when the bright lamp flicked on. As was my classic misfortune, I stumbled into the desk and stubbed my toe.

"Shit!" I yelped, hopping up and down in fury. _Yep, definitely hungover._

"Bella! Are you alright?" a deep voice sounded from somewhere beyond the four walls encasing me. Without warning, the bedroom door opened, revealing a somewhat familiar, older man on the other side.

_God, I hope I didn't do anything stupid last night, especially with him!_ I thought, horrified. Realizing I probably looked stupid by standing in the middle of the room not saying anything, I found my voice.

"Um, yeah, fine. Everything's fine," I said. "Just, um, stubbed my toe."

"Yeah, er, I s'pose you're not so familiar with the room and all," he answered awkwardly.

_No shit I'm not familiar with the room, why would I be?_ I thought to myself, somewhat annoyed.

"Well, I guess I'll let you get to it. There are extra towels underneath the sink," he informed before ducking out of the room. Clearly we hadn't slept together; that or it had been disastrous, explaining the awkward exchange. Either explanation seemed plausible.

I stood momentarily frozen in the unfamiliar bedroom, deciding on my next move.

_Shower first, think later_, my mind rationalized.

I had hoped that the refreshing spray of water would wake me up and bring my vacant memories back. However, when I finished in the small bathroom, I found myself back in the blue-walled bedroom just as clueless as I had been before leaving it, except now I was naked… and wet.

My options had been to put my pajamas back on, which seemed impractical because I hadn't been wearing a bra, or to scrounge through the chest of draws, borrow some articles of clothing, and hope they would fit. Resolved, I flung open the top dresser drawer and picked out a bra. Looking at the simple panties neatly stacked next to the socks, I briefly considered going commando. I knew it wasn't exactly kosher to go buff in another's pants but the alternative didn't seem much better. Thankfully, I spotted what looked to be a tag hanging from one of the cotton undergarments. Upon careful inspection, I concluded that they were, indeed, new. I grabbed the simple white cotton panties and stepped into them, glad that they were my size. After ransacking the other drawers, I gathered a plain, thin long sleeved top and some dark washed jeans. Oddly enough, each item of clothing had been exactly my size and fit wonderfully. I didn't ponder it too long, I was just grateful.

Wanting to straighten up my gracious host's boudoir, I turned to face the bed. That's when I first saw it. The corner of my eye caught a baby photo that sat on the desk. When I crawled over to it, I recognized it immediately and wanted to vomit.

It was me.

My eyes darted around the room, noticing several more photos decorating the walls and shelves. They were all of me, and at various ages. In the older photos I was pictured with the man who'd come into the bedroom earlier along with a woman who I didn't know but almost remembered. In the more recent pictures, I was just by myself

Who were these people? Maybe I'd been kidnapped, though that wouldn't explain the creepy childhood pictures of me with the two parental looking individuals. It seemed as if I had known the man and woman all my life and was even close with them.

"Bella, you need anything?" a low voice sounded from down the stairs.

Bella? Who the hell was Bella?When she didn't respond, I begun to get nervous. Maybe I was in this Bella's room but then where was she?

"Bella?" he called again. Wait, had he called me Bella earlier?

I glanced at the photos once more, noticing one taken on what looked to be a birthday. There, the three of us sat around a small table. The man was to my left, the woman to my right, and I was in the middle. In front of me sat a sad attempt at a homemade birthday cake. A large number five stood proudly nestled in the thick pink frosting with a banner overhead reading "Happy Birthday Bella" on it.

Mother of God.

Immediately, I rushed to the window, hoping to see familiar sprawling Chicago suburbs only to be met with a thick fog and green—lots and lots of green. I barely registered the knocking at my door nor heard what the man said. I responded with the only word I was able to find.

"Thanks."

When he left, I tried to find air, but felt dizzy. If I was drunk, than this was beyond a shadow of a doubt the world's absolute worst hangover. The only other thing that seemed to make any sense was that I was dreaming. How else could I explain what was happening? I pinched myself several times, hoping to wake up, but all I got was a series of red blotches on my wrist.

_Great. Now it looks like I'm a closet self-mutilator._

I inwardly groaned.

It appeared as though I wasn't dreaming after all. Then, what was going on? Was I having a mental breakdown? Was this punishment for being so mean to Dani? I deserved some heat, no doubt, but _this_ was cruel and unusual punishment… definitely unusual. There was nothing I could do to deny it though. I was in Forks, Washington, and I was Bella Swan.

Fuck my life.


	5. Don't Know Much 'bout Biology

**Don't Know Much 'bout Biology**

_(Mackenzie Brooks as Bella Swan)_

Being Bella Swan was not without its advantages. For one, my normally mousy brown hair was a rich auburn color. The fine strands were now thick and full as they cascaded down my back, landing in perfect curls on my shoulder. Seriously, I didn't even have to do anything to it, it naturally dried that way.

Finding acceptance for the alternate universe I had been sucked into wasn't hard once I swallowed the bile. Two very apparent realities were staring me in the face: one, I was suffering from a psychotic breakdown, or two, I was trapped in some bizarre-o dream in which I refused to wake from. If the first, then I was clearly already too far gone to care, and, if the second, then I would have to wake up eventually, no harm, no foul. Either way I figured I might as well enjoy myself. After all, it might be fun to screw with the innocents of Forks High and flirt with death… or vampires.

I felt almost powerful being armed with knowledge of the _Twi_-verse's secrets, those I could remember anyhow. At least I had the perfect cover, I was new in town. If I couldn't remember a character's name or a detail, no one would notice a difference. Maybe living in Bella's world would be kind of fun after all; maybe _Twilight _would even grow on me.

I slipped on a patch of ice at the base of the doorstop almost immediately after stepping outside for the first time.

Then again, maybe not.

After standing up and recovering my pride, I couldn't help but pout just a little. If I had to be a fictional character why couldn't I have become Elizabeth Swann from _Pirates of the Caribbean_ instead of Bella Swan from _Twatlight. _Shwash-buckling with Johnny Depp was definitely more my idea of a fantasy. Although, if I were Keira Knightley, then I'd have to wear overly complicated, tight fitting corset dresses or dirty pirate wear. At least Bella Swan wore jeans and comfy tees. In the books, the kooky vampire Alice had always described Bella's attire as somewhat unfortunate. In the movies though, Kristen Stewart was definitely rocking clothing from _Urban Outfitters_. The real Bella's affects weren't exactly as trendy as I hoped but they weren't horridly appalling either. It seemed pretty typical teenage wear to me. In fact, I was fairly sure I owned some of the same stuff, or similar at least.

A familiar, beat-up rusty truck sat in the driveway. Hurriedly, I climbed inside, wanting to avoid the rain and another clumsy fall. The beast was a stick, something I hadn't driven in a while. After several attempts, the truck finally roared to life.

_Double pump the clutch, I'll have to remember that_, I mentally noted.

Ole Red and I clamored down what was identified as a highway but looked more like a backwoods road. Who was I kidding? This was Forks, Washington; every street was a backwoods road.

The high school, a collection of randomly scattered buildings, wasn't difficult to find, but parking the beast of a truck proved to be not so simple. Not knowing where to go, I took my chances and headed for the first building. I wasn't surprised to find more greenery inside as potted plants and shrubs littered the small waiting room. A round, ginger-haired woman sat behind one of three desks, smiling at me welcomingly. Every single bit of her screamed small town high school secretary or lunch lady. She definitely fit here. I did not.

"Can I help you?" she asked sincerely

"Yes, I'm Bella Swan," I announced convincingly. Recognition flickered in her eyes as the name rolled off my lips.

"Of course," she said, gathering some paperwork on her desk. "I have your schedule right here, and a map of the school." She offered me the papers, which I gladly took, and then tuned her out as she yammered on about my schedule.

_High school,_ I inwardly laughed, finding it comical that a twenty-four year old grad student was back in the eleventh grade. I only hoped my math and science skills weren't too rusty. Taking mainly English and History courses over the past four years, I could barely remember how to do long division. Thank God I had saved my general Biology class for my last semester of undergrad. Hopefully something I learned would come in handy.

Before long, I left the confines of the small office and ventured back into the parking lot. Other cars had started to arrive, and I sprang Ole Red back to life, hopping in line. I parked on the far edge of the lot, not trusting myself to pull up next to any of the other cars, especially not the shiny Volvo. It hadn't occurred to me just then who the Volvo belonged to, instead my thoughts drifted to something far grimmer. I remembered a near fatal car accident from _Twilight_ involving Bella Swan and some annoying kid who wouldn't stop asking her out afterward.

_Shit! When does that happen?_ I worried.

Eventually, I tucked away my panic, rationalizing that it couldn't have been on Bella's first day of school because it happened later in the movie, which I remembered more clearly than the book. I sucked in a deep breath and pulled at my backpack as I trudged across the parking lot.

_Yes, high school,_ I silently thought with a small grin. _The sights, the sounds…the smells. _

Aside from the dysfunctional set-up, Forks High was pretty much like any other school. The cafeteria bustled with angsty, hormone-ridden teenagers struggling to get through the trials of their hard teenage lives. Listening to my inner thoughts, I realized that Dani was right, I was high and mighty. If I wanted to fit in, I needed to take myself down a peg or two and start whining about boys or something equally trivial.

Soon, I found my way to my first class, English.

_Perfect_, I thought to myself.

I had majored in English in undergrad and was currently pursuing a Master's degree in that very field. I felt confident as I handed my slip of paper to the teacher, announcing my presence. Mr. Mason, who I soon discovered was a massive idiot and complete failure as an educator, directed me to an empty seat at the back of the classroom. I made my way past the gawking students, who pretended not to stare but were obviously curious about "the new girl."

Time passed slowly, and I struggled to not throw my books at the moronic teacher. When the bell finally rang, a slender boy approached me. What caught me off-guard wasn't the fact that he was Asian, a funny coincidence, but rather that he looked identical to the actor who played him in the film. I couldn't remember what his name was, but I didn't have to guess long as he soon introduced himself as Eric Yorkie. He offered to walk me to my next class and was very hospitable as well as a definite closet gay, well at least I thought so. We jabbered on about Phoenix, a city I'd never been to but Bella was evidently from. For some reason though, I could almost remember being there. It was chilling to ramble off details which sounded like they could be fairly accurate.

Having always been engaged in politics, I found my Government class to be interesting. My trigonometry class was a bit shaky, and I prayed that the Math Gods would smile at me and help me scrape by. The Spanish deities were far friendlier and my keen memory on how to conjugate verbs kicked in.

Jessica Stanley was in both my Trig and Spanish class. I could tell by her mannerisms, along with my dismal _Twilight_ knowledge that she was something of a queen bee at Forks High School. I didn't let her shallow arrogance bother me. After all, this was _her_ time. Post graduation she would go to college…maybe. There she would be just another generic freshman, nothing more and nothing less.

Jessica invited me to sit with her at lunch, and I readily accepted. I recognized Eric from earlier. He was somewhat cocky toward the others, as if being the first to make my acquaintance gave him some type of an advantage. Amongst the group of average looking teenage girls sat Angela Weber, someone who I thought was Asian in the film but actually wasn't, or didn't appear to be anyhow. So Forks was minus one on the diversity count. I was still fairly certain the film's depiction of ethnicity in this small town was way exaggerated, and I made a mental note to verify this by researching the Census statistics.

Angela was sincerely nice. I found myself wishing she was real, and I could take her home with me. She was so petite; I wanted to fold her up and put her in my pocket, in as non-creepy a way as possible.

I was so distracted by my new "friends" I almost forgot about the heartbreakingly beautiful quintet that sat at the far end of the cafeteria.

_The Cullens_.

I didn't need to ask who they were, I knew. I'd never gotten why Bella thought they were so unbelievably gorgeous but now, looking at them, I understood with perfect clarity. It wasn't just one or a few features, it was everything about them. They were flawless. Perfect.

The smallest one of the bunch gracefully bounded out of her chair and walked away, the others paying no attention to her absence.

"That's Edward and Emmett Cullen, and Rosalie and Jasper Hale. The one who left was Alice Cullen; they all live together with Dr. Cullen and his wife," Jessica informed quietly, having noticed my stare. I nodded in response, entirely captivated by them. "They're all _together _though — Emmett and Rosalie, and Jasper and Alice, I mean. And they _live _together," she dished, providing me with all the juicy details.

She continued to ramble on about their family situation, which I was already aware of. I pretended to listen, nodding every once and again or making humming sounds in response when she paused to take a breath. I tried to glance at them inconspicuously. From what I could gather they all looked identical to the actor's who portrayed them on screen as well. When I got my first clear look at Edward Cullen, my heart skipped a beat.

_Holy crap, it's Robert Pattinson!_ I mentally exclaimed, star-struck.

Almost as if he had heard my hidden inner fan-girl calling out to him, he glanced over at me. His brow furrowed, and he scowled before looking away. I rolled my eyes and trained them back on Jessica, trying to hide my mortification over becoming ga-ga eyed over Robert Pattinson of all people. I don't know why I was surprised that Edward Cullen would look, well, like Rob; every other character matched up after all.

After lunch, Angela and I walked to Biology together. I remembered this part of the story clearly. I would enter into the classroom and step in front of a strategically placed fan, which would blow my miraculous, amazing scent toward Edward Cullen. He would then spend the rest of the class period trying not to kill me. Fun.

Just as predicted, Edward stiffened as soon as I neared the empty seat next to him. I didn't expect him to talk to me, so I tried my hardest to ignore the thirsty vampire inches from where I sat. I did what I could to make the hour easier on the poor kid, proving that I did have a soul after all. I paid attention to my movements, making sure they were minimal at best, and that my bounding curls remained in place over my neck. The last thing either of us needed was _that_ kind of exposure. A millisecond before the bell sounded, he leapt up from the lab table and scurried out of the classroom.

_So long, sucker_, I thought, laughing at my pathetic attempt at a pun. _See you in a few weeks._

___-%-%-%-%-_  


_(Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen)_

Never had I wanted a drink more than I did in that very moment. The problem was I wasn't sure what kind of a drink I craved. The burning in my throat was unbearable, I wanted so badly to quench it but the thought of consuming blood, human or animal, was repulsive. I had been able to curtail the unyielding thirst up until Biology, a subject I didn't fucking know anything about. The moment that _she _walked into the room, the pain became intolerable.

Earlier, I mind numbingly followed my cast mates, who weren't really my cast mates, out the door. Peter/Carlisle had given me a questioning gaze, while silently asking me if I needed to talk. I shook off his offer. What the hell would I say? Even if I really was a vampire, even if I really was Edward _fucking _Cullen, if I told him what I thought was happening I would be committed. I was pretty sure that crazy translated across species.

I relinquished my prescribed role as taxi driver, allowing an all too willing Nikki/Rosalie to take over. I was thankful that the car ride focused on reassuring Jackson, who really did look like Jasper, that he would be alright. Jackson usually wore clothes reminiscent of the Ska scene, and his hair wasn't ever _that_ curly. He was believable as Jasper Whitlock but, then again, the others were believable as their fictionalized characters as well. Nikki, for instance, looked far better with her natural brunette hair color but the long blonde tendrils suited Rosalie. This recognition gave me a new sense of hope. Maybe I could pass as Edward Cullen after all.

I used the time in the car to try to acclimate myself to the extra sense I 'd inherited. Attempting to block out the inward thoughts of others, deciphering what was for me to hear and what was meant to be private was difficult, albeit at times amusing. Who knew little Ashley Green was such a wildcat in the bedroom? I'd never look at her the same way, Alice or not.

The morning passed uneventfully. I was unnerved realizing I would need to put my academic skills to the test. I hadn't exactly been an apt pupil in my younger years, but I'd enjoyed school and always received fair marks in the past. To my delight, I found that transforming into the real Edward Cullen meant inheriting more than just his mind reading abilities. I had acquired a wealth of knowledge, information Edward had gathered over the past ninety years of his existence.

During passing time, I engaged in silent exchanges with my "siblings" and soon found myself sitting in a familiar cafeteria with them. Everything was exactly the same as it had been while filming. I pushed around the plate of food in front of me. I loved hamburgers and tatter tots, anything fried really, but the mush before me looked beyond unappetizing. My body craved something else entirely, something I was unwilling to give it.

_Edward Cullen_. The sound of his name caused my head to immediately snap up. I could hear Anna Kendrick going on about me to someone and remembered that this was the part where Bella saw Edward for the first time.

_Kristen!_ my inner voice screamed out in anticipation.

Maybe she was there too, trapped in this crazy alternate reality like me. If not, if she was like the rest of them, at least she would be there in some way. I scanned the group for her, but came up short.

_Ugh, where is she?_ I growled, frustrated.

"So?" Kellan, who I now reminded myself was really Emmett, said.

"So, what?" I pressed, not sure what he was asking.

"The new girl, is she afraid of us yet?" he explained.

"Oh," I replied dumbly. Of course I knew I wouldn't be able to hear Bella's mind, even if she had been in the cafeteria, though I did wonder why everyone else's thoughts seemed fixated on her. I chalked it up to life in a small, uneventful, boring ass town. "Same old," I shrugged, looking back at the table with the most people surrounding it.

I caught the sight of someone unfamiliar and the dull burning in my throat intensified. I couldn't place the girl but _Twilight_ had had so many extras, I wasn't completely surprised.

"Shall we?" Rosalie interrupted my thoughts. The five of us picked up our trays of uneaten food, tossed our unused waste like the unsustainable assholes we were, and left the cafeteria.

I walked into the Biology classroom and took my usual seat. I had no actual way of knowing if it was my usual seat but somehow it just seemed right, natural even. As I retrieved my book from my bag it suddenly dawned on me that in _this_ classroom, in _this _scene, I would actually be with Bella. I breathed a sigh of relief, anticipating seeing Kristen, hoping she was just as confused and insane as me. Then, something strange happened. The girl I hadn't recognized from the cafeteria walked through the door and presented the teacher with a slip of paper. A raging yearning of hunger sparked an inferno in my throat. The blaze only became worse when the girl gingerly strode toward the lab table where I sat and took the empty stool next to me.

Dear God. Who was this girl? Why was she there? Where the fuck was Kristen?

I couldn't fucking think straight. All I knew for certain was that the feminine terror next to me was supposedly Bella Swan, and she smelled fucking delicious. My mind shot back to an outtake Kristen and I had shot during _Twilight._ In it, Edward got to live out his fantasy of killing Bella at the lab table, sucking her dry. Thinking back to that moment only served to make my uncontrollable hunger worse. Oh, how I wanted to leap out of my chair and bite down on the lovely pulse convulsing in that pretty neck. Her pale skin was hidden behind thick curls of auburn hair, but I could smell what lay underneath. Her blood was practically begging for me to drink it.

I sucked in a breath, holding it in for as long as I could, until releasing it. Each time I inhaled, her taunting aroma swam in my lungs. It didn't take me long to realize I didn't actually have to breathe. This knowledge was a godsend.

I had to talk myself out of mauling the poor girl several times, reminding myself how disgusting and unnatural it was for me to consume blood. However, my reasoning was beginning to fail with every passing minute. It was all I could do to not look at her. I clung to my last shred of resistance, telling myself that if I allowed the monster within to actually bite the girl and drink her warm blood that I would officially secure an eternal seat on the crazy train, next stop: complete insanity.

Milliseconds before the bell rang I sprang from my stool and rushed out of the classroom, refusing to look back at the anti-Bella, who had made me curse Edward Cullen along with all other things _Twilight_.


	6. Mitosis is Meaningless

**Mitosis is Meaningless**

_(Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen)_

I ran to the Volvo, cowering in the car like a child. Willing myself to calm down, the intense burning in my throat began to ebb but was still ever present. I resisted the urge to fire up the car and haul ass out of town, but where would I go? In the book, Edward had retreated to Alaska for some time, warding off the advances of his hot, seductive vampire cousin. It seemed a bit too incestuous for me, and I knew I wouldn't be able to hide up there forever.

I remembered that I, or Edward rather, was supposed to go to the administrative building and try to persuade the homely secretary to switch classes. I considered this action briefly but remembered that Bella would also be in the office. The memory of her delectable scent infiltrated my senses. There was absolutely no way in hell that I was going to put myself in the same space as her again. Surely, I couldn't endure the insurmountable desire to bite her and would end up taking her blood. I was absolutely disgusted with myself. For once, I understood Edward's plight.

I waited in the vehicle until the last bell rang. My "siblings" returned to the car, surprised to find me slumped down in the back seat.

"Edward?" Alice asked, troubled by my disheveled appearance. I didn't answer her, in fact I remained completely still, wishing myself back to reality.

"What the hell happened to you?" Emmett barked, though I didn't miss the concern in his voice. Again, I remained motionless, waiting to wake up from the nightmarish hell consuming me.

"Really, Edward. You're pale, even for a vampire," Rosalie added, sounding somewhat nicer than she had before.

"You've been antsy all morning, I can sense it," Jasper said, persuading me to divulge my inner turmoil.

I couldn't take their badgering any longer and erupted with the first thought that came to my mind.

"I need a fucking cigarette!"

"Whoa! Where is my brother and what have you done with him?" Emmett chuckled at my outburst.

_Edward, I'm worried,_ Alice said silently. I didn't have the strength to reassure her that everything was alright, that I was alright, because I wasn't alright. I was far from fucking alright.

"Please, please, for the love of all that is holy, get me out of here," I begged. Rosalie didn't hesitate in peeling out of the parking lot.

"Your mind is clouded," Alice said, breaking the silence on our drive back to the Cullen house. "I can't see… I don't understand." She was frustrated, and I remembered that she had a gift of seeing the future. My future was undoubtedly as fucked up as my present so I sympathized with her aggravation.

Briefly, I thought about Alaska again, wondering what Tanya would look like. We hadn't cast that part, or we had, but we hadn't shot _Breaking Dawn _yet, and I couldn't remember who was supposed to play her.

"Are you leaving?" Alice asked quietly as we pulled up the long private drive.

I didn't answer her. All I wanted was to escape to the confines of the small room I had woken up in and find someway to get back to the real world. No one dared follow me as I raced into the house and up the stairs at an inhuman speed. I slammed the bedroom door behind me, hearing something shatter as it fell from the wall. I didn't care. I raked my fingers across my scalp, pulling on my hair hard, feeling as though I was suffering from a mental breakdown. I was already living the life of Edward Cullen, hormonal vampire, and had almost killed some helpless girl who sat next to me none the wiser. What kind of monster actually drinks blood? Edward _fucking_ Cullen, that's who.

Days passed with me lying motionless on the black leather couch, staring blankly up at the ceiling. Each one of my so-called family members attempted to talk to me, but I ignored them and eventually they let me be. My heightened senses could hear their conversations regarding my catatonic state, wondering what could be done. As I teetered on the brink of insanity, I thought about many things. Mostly, I thought about finding Bella Swan and just killing her. Why would it matter anyway? I was already certifiably insane. According to my worried family members, I hadn't hunted in days and needed to sate my hunger. Why not choose Bella for a tasty snack? Alice had picked up on the possible futures in which I would attack and claim Bella, but her visions always changed, along with my mind. She shared these insights with the rest of the group, and they came to obvious conclusion that it was Bella that sent me into self-exile.

The burning in my throat, though not nearly as strong as it had been since the first day of school, began to grow uncomfortable. I had been resisting the natural urge to feed my body, revolted by the thought of drinking blood. It was dark, beyond twilight, somewhere in the dead of night, when I caught the scent of something in the far distance.

_Elk_, my vampiric mind registered.

I sprang to action at once, unable to control my body. Like a crazed, well, vampire, I opened one of the large glass windows in my bedroom and leapt from it with ease, never worrying about hurting myself or landing. Instinct took over and I raced toward my pray. Without a second thought I overtook the unsuspecting creature, feeling the delicious warm liquid spill down my throat. I didn't stop at one kill, claiming another soon after, then another. Before long, the thirst had all but disappeared, barely lingering in my throat. I turned away from the dead animals, not wanting to look at their carcasses. What had I done? Aw, who the fuck cared? I couldn't drink, couldn't smoke, couldn't even fucking sleep. At least I was going to fucking eat.

When I returned to the house, my family members were waiting for me. I knew I couldn't avoid them any longer and forced myself to face them.

"I'm…sorry," I meekly apologized, not knowing what else to say.

"Oh, Edward," Elizabeth, who made the most perfect Esme, cried out, wrapping her arms around me in a comforting embrace.

_You seem calmer,_ Jasper noted, breathing his own sigh of relief. They waited silently for me to open up to them, but I didn't know if I could. I wasn't sure what explanation I could offer them, aside from the wacked-out truth.

"I haven't been myself lately," I finally said. That wasn't exactly a lie. I wasn't myself, I was Edward Cullen instead.

"It's alright, Edward," Carlisle reassured. "Alice told us about Bel—about what happened," he amended.

"One of us was bound to fall off the wagon sooner or later, bro," Emmett joked lightheartedly.

"What do you want to do, Edward?" Carlisle asked, bringing the conversation back to the issue at hand.

"Alice and I are definitely fine with moving," Jasper offered with Alice nodding in agreement.

"Em and I are game too," Rosalie added with a supportive smile, a gesture I recognized as sincere.

_Move, yes!_ I thought immediately. _Let's get the fuck away from here! _The idea was tempting but, on the off chance that I really was Robert Pattinson and this was all some fucked-up nightmare, the thought of leaving Forks, the one familiar thing, seemed far worse.

I shook my head.

"No. I'll manage."

"Are you sure, dear?" Esme asked.

"Positive." _Consider this the biggest freaking acting challenge of your life_, I tried to reframe the situation.

"Alright," Carlisle said with finality no one questioned.

We would stay… in Forks… with Bella… and her blood. Suddenly even a cigarette didn't seem nearly enough to calm my nerves.

_-%-%-%-%-_

_(Mackenzie Brooks as Bella Swan)_

The next week passed by without cause for alarm. By Friday, I had met everyone and their cousin, literally. Mike Newton was every bit as annoying as he had been in both the book series and movie. Bella Swan definitely hadn't downplayed that. Between him and Tyler Crowley, I couldn't decide who I wanted to deck more.

What was it with guys in this town and not understanding the phrase "I'm not interested?" It wasn't like I tried to be gentle with their feelings either. At first, I admittedly did attempt to let them down easily but by the end of the week, I'd had enough. I considered telling them that I wasn't interested in men but didn't think that being a lesbian would fare well with the somewhat prejudice townsfolk. Seriously, Stephenie Meyer, why wasn't one of the millions of characters in your novels openly gay? It didn't make sense.

At least Bella's father and I were getting along remarkably well. He barely talked, and I didn't offer much conversation. However, the silence wasn't uncomfortable. I actually liked him as a father. He definitely beat the low-life scum I called "daddy" in real life.

By Monday I felt pretty comfortable in Forks. It wasn't difficult to find my way around, what with there being really one main drag and all. Looking on the bright side, at least my cold hadn't transferred with me to _Twilight _land. I was cough free and happy about it.

I nodded at several of my classmates as I passed them in the hallway. I found it funny that even though I definitely didn't look seventeen, no one seemed to notice. Then again, Robert Pattinson didn't look seventeen and no one seemed to pay attention to that either. I knew Edward Cullen was supposed to be like super old in vampire years, but I couldn't remember the exact detail of his real age. I walked into the cafeteria, trying to evade Mike and failing miserably. My body automatically stiffened the instant I saw the Cullens. Rob, Edward, Robward-whoever he was—was there. I knew he would come back eventually, just as he had in _Twilight_, but I was unprepared for his return.

I would only be lying if I said he wasn't attractive because he most definitely was. Whereas Robert Pattinson always appeared to be in a constant state of drunken fuckery whenever I saw his picture and Edward Cullen seemed to be a douchey poster boy for the Gap, this Edward was decidedly different. He looked to be about somewhere in between the two, and I liked it.

I cleared my throat and fought to ignore his obvious stare. As I recalled, the worst had passed for him, and now he would only be slowly falling in love with the whiney Bella Swan. There was no way I lacked as much confidence as her though, and I hoped Edward wouldn't mind a ball-buster. It would be fun to play around with him a little, make him slightly uncomfortable, and then be the picture of innocence. It would drive him crazy and bring me insurmountable joy. I would never, ever consciously do something as mean to a real live person, but this was Edward Cullen, _not _Robert Pattinson. He was fictional and therefore nothing I did could _really _harm him. He would be fun to play with, and I wouldn't be too cruel…

During the lunch hour, I was keenly aware that his eyes were fixed on me. I made sure to be mindful of the position of my body. I forced myself to laugh at Mike's stupid jokes and pretended to be interested in Jessica's mindless chatter, all the while paying attention to Edward from the corner of my eye.

When lunch ended, I practically skipped over to Biology, where I knew Edward was waiting. I took my seat, fighting to hide the knowing smile that threatened to plaster itself across my face. Then, I waited. Any moment, Edward would be introducing himself to me, trying to woo me with his vampire voodoo, and I would manage to resist him, playing hard to get. But the fanfare of introductions never happened. Even when Mr. Banner passed out the assignment, Edward remained silent next to me.

What the hell? Did I smell wrong? His previous reactions had indicated what everyone else in Crazy Town, Washington, assumed; I was Bella Swan. I relaxed my posture dejectedly, tired of waiting for his advances, which didn't seem like they would ever come. He stared intently at the worksheet as if he was reading the instruction, but I knew better. He didn't need the instructions; he knew what the lab entailed as well as I did.

"So, I guess I'll go first," I croaked out, mad at myself for not sounding more embittered.

"Sure," he agreed.

It was the first time he had spoken to me but that single word reverberated throughout my entire body. His voice was quiet, musical even. I wanted to hear it again. I slid the heavy microscope over and peered into it, not having the faintest idea as to what I was looking at. Right then and there I wished I had paid more attention to the book instead of skipping over what I considered to be minute details. Instead, I relied on my still-fresh memory of the movie, praying that the screenplay hadn't completely butchered facts from the book.

"Prophase?" I squeaked out, but it sounded more like a question. Edward looked at me as his eyebrows narrowed. "Prophase," I repeated with more certainty.

He didn't ask to double check my work like I thought he would. Instead, he yanked the microscope to his side of the table, took a quick glance, and spouted off the answer.

"Anaphase."

What the hell? Wasn't he even going to bother keeping up pretenses? Maybe he had decided to kill me after all and didn't think it was necessary to pretend to be human. Still, at least acting like he cared would have been some sort of a kindness. I pulled the microscope back in front of me with renewed determination. I picked up the third slide and held it in my hand.

"Fifty says it's Interphase," I goaded.

He arched an eyebrow, his biggest response yet. I took that as an ante and placed the slide into the base of the microscope, repeating the word "Interphase," though I actually had no idea if that was correct. Edward didn't check but the tiniest smile began to tug at the corner of his lips, and I felt as though I had won. I watched as he slipped his long fingers into his pocket, searching for something, before retrieving the item. He pressed his palm face down near my elbow. When he removed his hand, two shiny quarters lay flat against the dark countertop.

"Fifty cents," he smirked. "Congratulations."

My smug smile melted away. Damn it! Edward Cullen freaking played me… me! Didn't he know that I was supposed to be the one screwing with his head, not the other way around? Stephenie Meyer's Edward wouldn't have been such a smarmy bastard, but then again, Stephenie Meyer's Bella wouldn't have been such a cold-hearted bitch.

Double damn!

We spent the rest of the lab hour ignoring one another, which proved to be exceedingly more difficult than I imagined. I was utterly puzzled by his behavior. He was supposed to be asking me about my family, and I was supposed to be overly perceptive about his eye color or something. Again, I found myself wishing I had paid more attention to the books.

I didn't waste any more of my time trying to make conversation with Edward Cullen. My plan to mess around in the world of _Twilight_ had failed epically. I wanted to go home. I wanted to see my sister. I wanted to tell her that she was right and _Twilight_ was far more complex than I had ever given it credit for. I fought to hold back tears throughout the rest of the day.

As I walked across the parking lot toward Ole Red, I found myself praying that today was the day that Tyler Crowley's van would skid out of control on a collision course aimed at me. Edward Cullen wouldn't save me; of that much I was sure.

* * *

**End Notes:** The "phases of mitosis" scene was adapted from page 23-24 of Stephenie Meyer's _Twilight._


	7. The Return of the Rob

**The Return of the Rob**

_(Mackenzie Brooks as a depressed Bella Swan)_

Tyler's van hadn't come barreling toward me on Monday. Instead, it happened on Tuesday. My life didn't exactly flash before my eyes like everyone says it does. As the van skidded in my direction all I could think about was how I was going to die wearing a really hideous bra. Bella was in serious need of some cuter undergarments. Had the girl ever heard of a little someone called Victoria Secret? If I lived through this impending doom I would be sure to introduce them. For a price, Victoria was willing to share her secrets, and Bella desperately needed her guidance.

I closed my eyes, bracing for impact, but what I felt instead was a set of strong arms enveloping me. My head cracked hard against the pavement. Damn, that was going to leave a mark. My vision was a bit blurry, but I knew without a doubt that it was Edward Cullen who was holding me. He had come through after all, saving me from certain death. I looked at him and gave him a pathetic smile, the only thing I could think to do to show my appreciation. He didn't say anything, nor did he move, even when others began to swarm us.

I blocked out Tyler's apologies as Edward cradled me in his arm. He stroked my cheek, and I actually nuzzled him, for the first time feeling grateful for his existence. When my vision became less spotty, I noticed that he seemed far more frazzled than I would have thought his vampiric perfection would allow. His unkempt hair was wilder than usual, his jacket hung awkwardly from his body, the sleeve of his free arm pushed upward. I allowed my eyes to rake over the flawless skin of his forearm, noticing dark black letters inscribed on his arm. It wasn't a tattoo but rather pen. I couldn't imagine why he had marked up his arm but when the words became clear in my sight, I suddenly understood.

My heart began to beat wildly against my chest as the sound of ambulance sirens blared in the background. I looked back at his face, searching for something that would provide more confirmation to what I had just read. My breathing was erratic and fast, my vision began to blur once more as dizziness started to sink it. I struggled to focus on his soft face, afraid of closing my eyes but was unable to stop myself.

"Rob?" I whispered before exhaustion overtook my body, and I drifted into darkness.

_-%-%-%-%-_

_(Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen)_

I was stunned. She said my name—not Edward, but Rob. Did she know who I was? I shook her gently, hoping to rouse her but to no avail. Before I could continue my selfish attempts to wake her, medical professional had arrived and were prying her from my arms. It was all that I could do to convince them that I didn't need to be examined and that I would wait until I saw my "father" at the hospital.

I evaded the horrified thoughts that my "siblings" projected from where they stood. I knew that what I had done, what Edward had done, was foolish and risked exposing the Cullens. However, I didn't really have another choice. I couldn't stand by and watch her die. If it had been Kristen, I would've done the same; I wouldn't have been able to leave her side. But it wasn't Kristen; it was some girl posing as Bella, who truly was the real Bella in a sea of actors playing fictionalized roles, which made absolutely no sense whatsoever. I wouldn't have cared about her in the least; in fact, I'd tried not to.

When I had made the decision to stay in Forks, I knew it inevitably meant returning to school. I was familiar with the drill. Edward goes back to Forks High only to be even more drawn to Bella, and he ultimately falls in love with her. Perhaps in Edward's world everything went according to the storybook. However, I was tired of playing in his world. I wanted my life back. I had gone back and forth so many times in my head as to whether or not I was crazy. Sometimes I thought maybe I really was Edward Cullen and Robert Pattinson was a figment of my imagination but how could that be true? I needed to find out once and for all.

So far it seemed that no matter what, the _Twilight_ plot was playing out according to plan. True, I hadn't exactly done anything to muck up the entire storyline, and I didn't want to do anything too drastic just in case there really was no Robert Pattinson. However, I needed to do something, perform some sort of test to prove whether or not I, or Robert Pattinson rather, really existed.

Ultimately, I resigned myself to ignore Bella at all costs. If she still gushed over me like the lovesick puppy she was, than that was it. I was Edward Cullen, vampire; that would become my reality. But if Bella happened to brush off my indifference and proceed to have a normal existence with other humans at Forks High, then I would have to keep faith that somehow I would be Robert again. Bella's choice to forget about Edward Cullen would prove that I had the power to change things in the _Twilight_ world. And, if I could change the story, change the life of Edward Cullen unlike Stephenie Meyer had intended, then _Twilight _must be fake and I must be real. It didn't truly make a whole lot of sense, but it was all I could come up with.

The first day back was difficult. I watched Bella carefully at lunch, constantly reassuring my "family" that I was fine. The powerful thirst returned but it was easier to ignore with my new determination. That, paired with the massive amounts of hunting I'd done the night before. Bella's uncharacteristic flirtatious disposition and outgoing demeanor at lunch made me very hopeful, but I knew biology would be the real test.

I sucked in a breath as I took my seat at the lab table, ready to endure the inquisition that Bella Swan would lay out regarding my absence. She stepped into the room and glided toward me, poising herself atop the stool to my right. I waited for her pointed questions and was surprised when they never came. In fact, she didn't utter a single word until the lab had begun. When she did finally speak, she sounded almost angry.

I was glad to have remembered some of the answers to the lab, allowing me to concentrate on the more important task at hand. When Bella reclaimed the microscope, she seemed as determined as I was. She taunted me with the third slide, waiving it in my face.

"Fifty says it's Interphase," she challenged, looking confident. I, of course, knew that the third slide was in fact Interphase, but how could she? Perhaps she was trying to undermine me, or find my weakness. I raised an eyebrow in response, not backing down.

After looking into the microscope, she happily declared the third slide to be Interphase, and I could see a smile of triumph come over her face. I didn't bother checking her work, like I would have known the difference anyhow. Instead, I felt my insides explode. Bella wasn't flirting. Bella wasn't even trying to be nice to me. No, Bella simply tried to outwit me. It was all the proof I needed. There really was a Robert Pattinson and he was me, or rather I was him. No matter how it worked out, I wasn't crazy, or at least I was less crazy than I had originally thought. Either way, I was happy.

I retrieved two American quarters from my pocket and placed them near her arm. I knew she had meant fifty dollars, a small chunk of change to a Cullen, but I couldn't resist digging into her. I smirked as I presented the coins to her, my smile becoming impossibly wider when hers disappeared completely.

_I win, Bella! Me, Robert fucking Pattinson!_

That evening I yanked up my sleeve and took a pen to my forearm, the ink flowed out easily against my smooth alabaster skin. I wanted to remember who I was. I had no idea how long I would be trapped here, but I would rewrite these words on myself every day if I had to.

_Robert Thomas Pattinson,_ I penned, looking at my full name before rolling my sleeve down over it.

* * *

**End Notes:**

The "van" scene was adapted from page 29 of Stephenie Meyer's _Twilight._

The "phases of mitosis" scene was adapted from page 23-24 of _Twilight._


	8. Speed Bumps

**Speed Bumps**

_(Mackenzie Brooks as a delirious Bella Swan)_

My head was pounding unrelentingly as I was wheeled into the Emergency Room.

Stupid Tyler Crowley. Stupid icy parking lot. Stupid _Twilight_.

Everything had happened so quickly, and I barely remembered any of it. All I could think of was the dazzling honey-colored eyes that stared down at me.

As much as I didn't want to admit it,Edward was fuck-hot, or whatever the lingo was. Then, I remembered the simple, yet powerful words elegantly penned across the perfect skin of his forearm.

_Robert Thomas Pattinson._

How had he known that name? He couldn't have read my mind, hell I didn't even know Rob's real middle name! I came to the one conclusion that made any sense, Edward Cullen was Robert Pattinson. Robert Pattinson was Edward Cullen. Rob was here, wherever "here" was. I wasn't alone!

I tried to turn my head and search for him, but the doctors fought to keep me from moving.

"Try to stay still," one of the nurses said. Still? Yeah, right.

"Is she okay?" I heard Ed—Robert ask.

"We'll have your father take a look and let you know," one of the physicians offered.

Emergency Room treatment moves slower than the line at the DMV, even when wheeled directly into the trauma center. After finally being returned from X-rays, I was placed on a small bed. Rob sat in a chair nearby, keeping his eyes trained on me. I wanted to confront him about the inscription on his arm but first, I wanted to pull up the sleeve of his jacket and make sure I hadn't been hallucinating. However, the bustling movement of nearby doctors and nurses prevented me from talking to him.

Bella's father had showed up at the scene before I was hauled away in the ambulance. He hovered nearby my bed, pacing nervously.

In a nearby bed, Tyler Crowley repeated apologies like a broken record, much to my and Charlie's dismay.

"Please, Tyler, just drop it," I pleaded, hoping he would shut up.

Thankfully, Dr. Cullen appeared from around the corner.

_Jennie Garth is one lucky bitch_, I inwardly thought as I looked her scrumptious husband up and down. Then, I remembered hearing that they had filed for divorce. _Kelly Taylor is a ginormous idiot._

"So, Miss Swan," he said with a kind smile, "how are you feeling?"

_Delusional, psychotic, certifiably insane… take your pick._

"Fine," I gave a short answer.

He nodded as he placed my films on a lightboard and flicked it on.

"Your X-rays look good," he announced, more for Charlie's benefit than my own. I knew I was fine aside from the headache and softball sized lump on the back of my skull. "Does your head hurt? Edward said you hit it pretty hard."

"Yeah, um, its fine, I'm fine," I urged, hoping to speed this little evaluation up so I could get Rob alone.

Carlisle ran his cold fingers along the back of my skull, tenderly feeling the swollen bump that had formed.

"Tender?" he asked me.

"Yeah, but seriously, it's not a big deal," I replied. Charlie frowned at me, probably assuming that I was downplaying my pain.

"Well, Chief Swan," Carlisle addressed Bella's father. "You can take her home now, but Bella, come back if you feel dizzy or have trouble with your eyesight at all." I nodded and stepped down off the bed. "Take some Tylenol for the pain," he added, noticing my wobbly feet.

Carlisle turned to Charlie and began discussing the home treatment for my head injury. I didn't think taking Tylenol sounded overly complicated, but if Charlie wanted to get specifics on how to swallow pills, I was fine with that. At any rate, it distracted him enough for me to get Rob's attention. Once our gaze was locked, I quickly shifted my eyes to the right, indicating that I wanted him to follow me.

"I'm going to go to the restroom," I said quietly. Charlie nodded and I left the room with Rob close behind.

Once we were out of earshot, I pulled him into an empty waiting area. I intended on demanding answers from him, but when I looked into his impossibly beautiful face, my throat ran dry.

_-%-%-%-%-_

_(Robert Pattinson [maybe?] as Edward Cullen)_

If I had an active heart it would've been hammering out of my chest. Bella's chocolate eyes bore into me, waiting for me to say something, anything. But what could I say? If I questioned her about calling me Rob she might get upset. The girl had just had a near death experience. It was possible that she was out of it, saw the writing on my arm, and called out my name in panic. Still, I had to be certain.

"Are you alright?" I asked, feeling stupid since Carlisle had just asked her that very question several times.

She furrowed her brow at me.

"You… I saw…"

She was flustered and unable to finish her sentence, but I assumed I knew what she was getting at. I was standing near my Volvo before Tyler lost control of his van. She had seen me from across the parking lot and was naturally confused as to how I had managed to get to her so quickly, not to mention how I was able to stop the van. My dead heart sunk in my chest.

"What do you think you saw?" I probed, playing into the scene.

She shook her head and opened her mouth but no sound emanated from her lips. Instead she grabbed my arm and yanked the sleeve upward, revealing the name of a person who had just ceased to exist. She examined my forearm for some time as I contemplated how to proceed. I was sure I could make up something about the inscription. Perhaps I could tell her it was a tribute to an acquaintance that had recently passed, it wasn't exactly a lie.

We were interrupted when Charlie stepped into the waiting room, witnessing our awkward exchange. Bella lifted her head to look at him, and I noticed tears streaming down her face. Charlie raced to her side at once.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he asked gruffly, giving me an accusatory look.

"I, I was just thanking Edward for saving my life," she stammered, giving me a weak smile.

"Oh, yeah," Charlie looked at me dumbfounded. "Thanks for taking care of my little girl. Bells?" He signaled for her to follow him out of the waiting room. Bella hesitated before dropping my arm and leaving with Charlie.

I left the hospital before Carlisle could confront me. It didn't take me long to find my way back to the Cullen's house. Initially I had no idea where I was going, but my instincts led me home.

I passed Esme, who looked at me quizzically. I knew from her internal dialog that she had already spoken to Carlisle on the phone and was aware of that morning's events. Racing into the bathroom, I snatched a hand towel, doused it with water and soap, and began to scrub at my skin. Before long, the ink inscribing the name of some fictitious actor has disappeared.

Robert Pattinson was gone.

My siblings returned home after school, followed shortly by Carlisle. They were demanding answers to my erratic behavior, and all I could do was go along with the storyline.

"I couldn't let her die," I shrugged. Rosalie fumed, her anger boiling to the surface.

"You are so selfish! And to think, I was actually feeling sorry for you!" she spat heatedly.

"I know, I'm a bastard," I replied, defeated. She blinked at my words, clearly not anticipating them.

"Jesus, Edward." Jasper shook his head, feeling my defeat.

"So, about the move," Esme began calmly. "We haven't been to the Finger Lakes in quite some time. Upstate New York is rather lovely."

"No!" I replied almost immediately.

"Calm down, schitzo." Emmett nudged me. I took a deep breath before speaking again.

"The girl, Bella, she's not going to be a problem," I said with an even tone.

"How can you say that? Surely your little Superman stunt must have made her curious," Rosalie retorted.

"No, Edward's right," Alice interjected. "If we stay, it will be fine. People will talk for a few days but by next week it will have blown over."

"Are you positive?" Carlisle asked.

"As sure as I can be," she answered.

"Alright, then. I think if we leave, it would look even more suspicious. Edward, are you sure you want to stay?" he questioned. I nodded.

Rosalie huffed out her audible disapproval.

"Does anyone else's opinion even matter, or just precious Edward's?"

"Rosalie, that's enough," Esme defended. "You are every bit part of this family as Edward."

_Please don't leave me again,_ she silently pleaded, looking at me with sad eyes. I felt a twinge of guilt form in the pit of my stomach. Edward, or I rather, had been such a selfish coward in the past. I wouldn't leave my family again.

"Look, I'm sorry. I know that what I did poses a huge threat to us all, but trust me when I say that it will all be fine," I sighed.

"What? Are you Alice now?" Rosalie barked, not appeased in the least.

"Ni-Rosalie," I caught myself. "Please?"

_Since when do you cower to Rose? _Emmett silently asked, bemused.

The scowl on my sister's face didn't disappear, but she remained closed lipped.

"Now that _that's_ settled, we can move on to more important things!" Alice chirped happily. "First of all, Edward's serious, and I don't want you two fighting. Secondly, Bella's my friend. At least she's _going_ to be, so Jasper, I would really appreciate it if you didn't try to kill her."

"But… Alice…" Jasper struggled to defend his future actions, which I guessed included some sort of intent to kill Bella in order to preserve the family.

"I'm going to love her someday, Jazz. I'll be very put out if you don't let her be," she continued. Soon, a smile broke across her face, and I knew Jasper had changed his mind about harming Bella.

"So you're actually going to become friends with this girl?" Rosalie asked, looking repulsed.

"Yes," Alice replied confidently, "and not just me, we all will be."

"Hmpf," Rosalie sounded, sticking her nose in the air. I knew that she would eventually come to accept Bella, but it wouldn't happen for quite some time.

"Just wait and see, Rose," Alice baited. "We'll love her, all of us, especially…" she flashed her eyes to me, fearing she had said too much.

_Sorry, Edward,_ she mentally apologized, but I waived her off. I already knew Edward was in love with Bella, why deny it?

"Huh," Jasper seemed surprised. "I really didn't feel that from you." I wasn't surprised by his inability to sense my so-called love for Bella. How could I love her? I didn't even know her!

"Oh, _come on!_" Emmett roared, not catching on to what everyone else in the room had understood.

"Pay attention," Rosalie bit. "Alice sees him falling for a _human! _How classically Edward!" She actually scoffed at me. Misunderstood or not, Rosalie really was a bitch.

I was quickly tiring of the conversation and just wanted to be alone so I could think.

"Yes, I love her. The end," I said all at once. Everyone looked startled by this confession. For a few moments all was silent aside from inner thoughts, which I happily tuned out.

Finally, Carlisle cleared his throat unnecessarily.

"Well this… complicated things."

"I'll say," Emmett agreed with a playful smirk.

Esme beamed at me with delight while my other family members continued to debate whether or not to rely on Alice's visions.

_Whatever. _ I didn't care anymore. Bella Swan would be the death of me, or at least she had been the death of who I thought I was.

* * *

_**1 **_Meyer, Stephenie. _Twilight_. (New York: Little, Brown and Company, 2005), 32-33.

_**2 **_Meyer, Stephenie. _Midnight Sun_. (StephenieMeyer . com: 2008), 84-85.


	9. Bobby and the Bitch

**Bobby and the Bitch**

_(Mackenzie Brooks as Bella Swan)_

I thought for sure that Rob would crawl through my window that night, but when he didn't come I began to wonder if I had hallucinated the whole exchange at the hospital. I wanted to talk to him about everything, but Charlie had interrupted. Besides that, my head hurt something fierce, and I was having trouble forming coherent thoughts. Now, after being well rested, I wanted to confront Rob and find out how the hell to get out of this _Twilight_ nightmare. After hours of waiting for him to appear, I realized he wasn't coming. Reluctantly, I fell into a troubled sleep.

That was the first night I dreamed of Robert Pattinson.

After two days of strict rest and several phone calls from Bella's harebrained mother, I'd had enough of captivity. It took every ounce of my energy to persuade Charlie to let me return to school. After several minutes of begging, he finally caved. Getting him to allow me to drive was an even more rigorous task. Finally, I convinced him to let me to take Ole Red, telling him that it would just make the other students gossip if I was dropped off in a squad car.

The morning dragged on with everyone asking me how I was doing. Repeating "I'm fine" more times than I could count was getting old but nothing was more annoying than Tyler Crowley. The only highlight in my day was the lunch hour. To my dismay, Rob was missing from the Cullen table. Where was he? A horrible thought crossed my mind; what if he found a way out of here…without me?

I was only too relieved to see him sitting at our lab table in Biology class. Thank you, Jesus!I expected for him to explode with euphoria that I was there, but he didn't talk to me. What was his problem? Didn't he want to figure things out too? Oh God, what if he really was Edward Cullen, and I had made the whole Rob Pattinson thing up?

A lump formed in my throat as I mulled over this last thought, but it couldn't be true, could it? I needed to find out.

As Mr. Banner began to drone on, I scribbled "Rob?" on a piece of notebook paper and slid it to my left side. However, he seemed to ignore the note altogether.

"Psst," I hissed, grabbing his attention.

He gave me a curious look, and I motioned to the paper. He glanced at it and then stiffened in his chair. I didn't understand why he reacted that way. Even if he wasn't really Rob, he could've at least given me a strange look or something. Instead, he sat beside me, cold as ice. Tears began to well up in the corner of my eyes. In a last ditch effort, I penned another message on the notebook.

_My name is Mackenzie Brooks. I live in Chicago. I want to go home._

I didn't try to get Rob's attention again and instead let the notebook linger on the table. He could make the choice whether or not to care. After several minutes, I saw his eyes scan the paper. No sooner had he read the words, he looked at me pointedly. He stared at me without blinking, as if deciding something. Eventually, he slid the notebook to his side and wrote a reply.

_Meet me after school in the parking lot!_

___-%-%-%-%-_  


_(Robert Pattinson-strike that-Edward Cullen)_

"Psst," Bella hissed. She scribbled something on her notebook, but I ignored her. I assumed she was probably curious about how I had managed to save her and was going to demand answers. I was startled when I read what she had written.

_Rob?_

Was she trying to be funny, to intentionally mock me? Aggravated, I turned away from the paper and looked ahead at the teacher. I couldn't believe I was supposed to fall in love with _her._ She was incorrigible! At least she was attractive. In fact, it had been a while since I'd thought of Kristen, or wished for her in this Bella's place.

She retrieved the notebook and scribed another message meant for me. I did a good job of snubbing her but eventually curiosity got the better of me.

_My name is Mackenzie Brooks. I live in Chicago. I want to go home._

I almost fell out of my chair. Was she being serious or joking at my expense? I surveyed her face, prepared to find a glint in her eye but instead she looked absolutely earnest.

Holy shit!She really wasn't Bella Swan. I was so elated that I almost wanted to kiss her. If she was really this Mackenzie Brooks that meant that I truly was Robert Pattinson. I wasn't completely off my rocker after all!

I waited impatiently for her after school. My "siblings" were somewhat supportive when I explained that they should go on home without me. There was no need to be secretive about for whom I was waiting; they knew.

When Bella/Mackenzie finally appeared, I hastily followed her to her truck. Wordlessly, we both climbed inside the cab.

"Where are we going?" she asked, bringing the piece of shit truck to life.

"Just drive," I ordered, not entirely sure myself.

We sat in silence as the school disappeared in the rearview mirror.

"So, um, should I turn or something?" she asked.

"How the hell should I know? I'm not from this town!" I said almost angrily. I dropped my American accent as I spoke. It felt so refreshing to hear my true voice again.

"Well neither am I, jackass!" she spat back.

"Do you want me to drive?" I glared at her.

"Do you want me to slap you?" she threatened, her fists gripping onto the steering wheel tightly. I reached over and took the wheel in my left hand, jerking it to the right.

"Hey!" she shouted once we had come to a stop. We were on the shoulder of an old highway, and I felt pretty sure no cars would pass us for a while, if ever.

"I think we're both a little tense right now, so let's just…relax, okay?" I suggested, taking in a calming breath of air. She nodded and released her death grip on the wheel, slumping back in her sleep.

After a few moments, she broke the silence.

"You really are Rob, right?" she asked in a shaky voice.

"I prefer Robert, but, yes, I really am." It was a relief to say my name aloud again.

"I could always call you Bobby," she teased, and I scowled at her. Bobby definitely was _not_ okay.

"And you really are…" I blanked on her name.

"Mackenzie," she reminded.

"Mackenzie? Really?" I questioned, finding her name odd.

"Yeah, my parents were into the whole last name as a first name thing. Kind of like Jackson Rath-whatever," she gave an annoyed response. "Most people just call me Kenzie."

"Right, then. So, how long have you been, erm, here, Kenzie?" I asked her.

"A couple weeks I think," she answered. "My first day was when you tried not to kill me in Biology."

"Mine too," I added with a chill, remembering the horrible burning in my throat. Her blood still smelled more alluring than anything else, but I was stronger than my thirst. "What were you doing before that?" I hoped that between the two of us we could find some sort of connection.

"I was at home, dying," she answered.

_Holy fuck!_ I gave her a horrified look and felt ashamed.

Over the past few weeks I had felt trapped here in this awful place, but Mackenzie had also been here, prolonging her life.

She rolled her eyes at me

"Not actually dying, dying. I had a horrid cough."

"Not too dramatic are we?" I said sarcastically, partially bemused. "What, then?"

"Miraculously, I fell asleep and when I woke up I was Bella _freaking_ Swan! What about you?" she asked.

"The last sane thing I remember was being on a plane headed for the States," I relayed. "We're filming _Breaking Dawn_ soon."

"Huh, well that explains nothing." Her lips protruded into a deep frown, which sort of pissed me off. Did she expect me to have the answer to this fucked up equation?

There was another pregnant pause before she spoke again.

"God this is weird," she started, "all the _Twilight_ actors living out their fictional roles… It's like some sad convention or something."

Then, the light bulb went off. I ground my teeth as my jaw became tight. The girl who I thought was a victim like me was actually a lunatic!

"Whatever you did, undo it now!" I demanded.

"What?" she shouted, but I didn't buy her shocked expression.

"Look, I know you obsessive fan-girl types, dreaming of living out some sick and twisted fantasy where you are starring in _Twilight _as Bella, winning the heart of Edward Cullen, who happens to share an uncanny resemblance to Robert Pattinson! Tell me the truth; you don't have to hold back!" It wasn't a crazy explanation. The insane requests and crazy antics that I had witnessed firsthand had solidified that the majority of _Twilight _fans were eccentric.

"Are you serious? That _is_ one sick and twisted fantasy!" she shouted angrily. "I _hate Twilight,_ and I _hate _you!"

To say I was taken aback by her proclamation would be a vast understatement.

"Oh," I said dumbly as Mackenzie seethed next to me. "Hate is a rather strong word."

"You told me not to hold back!" she barked, but I could tell her anger was beginning to subside. Good god this girl was a pill.

"Well, I guess I'm out of ideas," I admitted, feeling even more lost.

"Look, I have to go home. Bella's dad took a half day today, and I know he'll send out the FBI if I'm not back soon," she said.

"Fuck that!" I replied. Seriously? Who gave a shit about her fake father?

"I don't know how long we're going to be trapped in this hellhole for, but I'd like to keep my driving privileges just in case," she gave a snarky reply.

"What the hell am I supposed to do?" I asked.

"I don't know, go hunt a squirrel or something," she said. I flipped her off. We sat in another fog of silence, neither budging an inch. "Well?" she said motioning outside.

"You can't be serious? You want me to get out here?" I stared at her in disbelief.

"I can't very well drive you home. The last thing I need is to explain to Charlie why I was with Edward Cullen again." She crossed her arms over her chest, waiting for me to leave.

"Fine!" I shouted, kicking the door open and then slamming it behind me. I watched helplessly as she turned the truck around. She pulled up next to me and rolled down her window.

"Come over after Charlie's asleep." It wasn't a question but more of a demand. To hell I would!

"In your dreams," I huffed.

"Ugh, leave my perfectly happy, Robert Pattinson free dreams out of this," she grimaced. "Whatever, I know you'll be there. Like it or not, we're in this together, Bobby."

And with that, she sped away.

Bitch.


	10. TwiFoolery

**Twi-foolery**

_(Mackenzie Brooks as a pissed off Bella Swan)_

God Rob Pattinson was an asshole. It was lucky that he was attractive and had a charming English accent because there was nothing else about him that was remotely pleasing. He seemed more annoyed than relieved that another real life person was trapped in the _Twilight_ world with him. Then again, I probably was a disappointment. All the good looking actors involved in the film were here except for Kristen Stewart. No wonder my presence pissed him off. Still, did he have to be such a prick?

Robward, more like _Dickward_.

Regardless, I was stuck in this fuckery with him, for better or worse. I waited nervously in Bella's bedroom, hoping that the bastard would show. Soundlessly, he appeared in the window, and I almost peed myself out of fright. That asshole probably startled me on purpose. I rolled my eyes, struggling to remember the earlier resolve I made to try to get along with him. It would make things a bit easier.

"Thanks for, er, coming," I said, stumbling over my words like a prize idiot.

"Not to mention saving your life," he added smugly.

Total Dickward.

"So, Bobby, got any ideas on how to get us out of here?" I asked, wanting to get on with the conversation.

He had to know more about _Twilight_ than me. Surely, he would have some idea of how to get back to our respective real lives. His jaw tightened at the sound of my new favorite nickname, bringing me a small amount of joy.

"No," he growled. "But use your _Twi-_knowledge and maybe you'll think of something."

"No can do, Robbie-Rob." I tried a new moniker, but didn't like it as well. "I wasn't lying when I said I hate _Twilight_."

It was the absolute God's honest truth.

_-%-%-%-%-_

_(Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen)_

Was she serious? Had she actually never read the books nor seen the movies? I heard people like her existed but thought such individuals were mythical creatures.

"Shocking, I know?" she said sarcastically. "I'm sure it must be difficult for you to believe that not every woman's fantasy revolves around you."

"Not really. I'm just surprised that you're a _Twi-tard_," I answered without missing a beat.

"Hey!" she exclaimed, almost too loudly. Okay, my remark was low, even for me. I couldn't help it though, Mackenzie was just plain maddening.

"Look, let's not waste time fighting, alright?" I gave-in first, knowing that if one of us didn't cave our bickering would escalate into an all-out shouting match that resulted in waking up Chief Swan. Fantasy world or not, I didn't need any trouble with the law.

"Agreed. Since we already went through what happened before we got here, maybe we should talk about what's been going on since we've been here," she suggested.

"Alright," I agreed. "So, everyone thinks you're Bella?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Duh."

She rolled her eyes, and I tried to keep my anger at bay.

"What I meant to ask is, are you really like Bella? Do you have her memories or find yourself saying or acting in a way that isn't quite typical of yourself?" I asked between clenched teeth.

"Now that you mention it, yeah," she seemed surprised. "I've been clumsier than usual, and when people asked me about life in Phoenix or how my mother is doing, I just somehow knew. But I don't bite my lip or whine about wanting to be a vampire, if that's what you're asking."

"I thought you said you didn't know anything about _Twilight_?" I accused. Her face flushed a light pink. I made the arrogant Mackenzie Brooks blush! She didn't miss the smug smile that spread across my face, and I didn't hide it.

"Fine, I skimmed the books… and saw the first movie, okay?" she admitted bitterly. "But I swear, I _swear_, I hated them and didn't bother seeing that _New Moon _or _Eclipse_ crap!"

"Ha," I laughed aloud. "Fair enough."

Her confession was enough to satisfy me for the rest of the night.

"Let's get back on track, okay?" she tried to change the subject. "Have you been acting like Edward Cullen?"

Shit. That was a question I didn't really want to answer. How could I admit that I'd given into my vampiric instincts and drank blood… and liked it! I just nodded, hoping we would move on.

Recognition of what being like Edward Cullen meant came over her.

"So that means that you…"

"Yep," I interrupted.

"…and you…"

"Yep."

Silence.

"Damn." She almost looked like she felt bad for me, something I hadn't expected.

"Pretty much," I said. "Moving on?"

"Definitely," she agreed. "Do you think there are others like us?"

"No," I quickly answered. She looked at me with a quizzical brow. "Mind reader, remember?"

"Oh, right," she replied. "So, what do we do now?"

"As much as it will kill you to do it, I think we need to play along," I told her.

"What? Hell no!" she refused, almost too loudly. I heard Charlie grunt in his sleep, and then his snores persisted.

"What's you're problem?" I asked, frustrated by her unwillingness to cooperate.

"My problem? Are you mental? There is no way in hell I'm going to let some vamp trio try to sniff me out!" she hissed. Shit, I'd forgotten about James, Victoria, and Laurent.

"We can avoid them since we know when they're coming," I answered, hoping we would be able to bypass that part of the Stephenie Meyer's story.

"And then what, Bobby?" Mackenzie asked cruelly.

"Don't. Call. Me. Bobby." I seethed while narrowing my eyes at her, hoping to get my message across loud and clear.

"Fine, _Robert_," she bit. "Do you think we'll magically be transported back to the real world once _Twilight_ plays out? Because I have news for you, there are four books, count them, four! And if you think I will play along as Bella Swan, becoming entangled with psycho Italians, falling in love with an emo vampire suffering from suicide ideation _and_ letting him impregnate me, you've got another thing coming!"

"Whoa! Who said anything about _impregnation?_" I said the last part in a whisper. She opened her mouth to object, but I cut her off. "I don't have the answers, alright? But as far as I can tell, the story keeps playing regardless of what _we_ want. At least we have the advantage of knowing what's coming so we can maybe fend off the bigger catastrophes. And, if you think you can keep your hands to yourself, I think we can avoid anything that would result in you becoming knocked up!"

Mackenzie looked absolutely irate. I liked it.

"Robert Thomas Pattinson," she repeated my name as if she were my mother scolding me.

"Yes?" I answered haughtily.

"You suck!" Her retort was lame and made me chuckle.

"Well, Kenzie, I _am_ a vampire, it's kinda my thing." I stretched my arm behind my head and winked at her while she stewed.

I had no idea how long we would be lost in _Twilight_ but at least now it would be fun.


	11. Twilight

**Twilight**

_(Mackenzie Brooks as Bella Swan)_

I stared at Pattinson the Prick from across the cafeteria. Reluctantly, I decided to go along with him, keeping up the ruse as Bella Swan, vampire lover and epic klutz. As much as I hated to admit it, Robert was right. We were better off living out the _Twilight_ storyline, praying that we could figure something out that would snap us back to reality, than fleeing the scene.

Although in Stephenie Meyer's world it had taken Edward and Bella a lot longer to get together, I wasn't going to play dumb for an entire month. Plus, his family already knew about us so we didn't see the point in keeping up pretenses. At least "dating" Edward finally got Tyler and Mike to shut up.

We tried to skip over some less than thrilling plot points, like Bella's brush with danger while dress shopping in Port Angeles. However, just as Robert predicted, the story managed to play out. Instead of being cornered by drunks in Port Angeles, I was practically accosted outside of the local supermarket by out-of-towners looking for a good time. Thankfully Alice's visions kicked in, and Robert came to my rescue. He had saved me twice, and he didn't let me forget it either.

I couldn't get out of going to La Push with Jessica and the gang, but I didn't mind. Taylor Lautner was such a cute _wittle_ boy, I just wanted to pinch his bashful _wittle_ cheeks. It was evident that he had a crush on me. Though it wasn't a subject that came up, it sort of did… in a big way. I pretended not to notice Jacob Black's response to my feminine wiles, not wanting to embarrass the poor kid.

It was completely ironic that the Cullens had always referred to him as a dog because he really was like a little puppy, following me around practically drooling all the time.

Robert had introduced me to Edward Cullen's family just as I had formally introduced him to Charlie. Although they were understandably weary of me, they welcomed me with open arms, Esme and Alice quite literally. Rosalie was a real peach. Robert warned me about her displeasure over our "relationship," and she didn't try to hide it for my benefit.

It took one whole class period for the news that Edward and Bella were a couple to spread around school. Jessica was furious of course, and I did feel somewhat guilty. She really was pretty and by all rights should've had her pick. Though she was jealous and somewhat catty, she wasn't a vapid bitch like some painted her to be. Before long she had swallowed her envy, or rather she pretended not to care, sinking her teeth in the next most eligible bachelor in Forks High, the oblivious tool-bag Mike Newton.

Each morning before school Rob picked me up in his awesome Volvo. He drove at a snail's pace though, knowing how much it irritated me. I wanted him to open that baby up and see what she could do. His refusal to let me drive also peeved me to no end. Somehow I would wrangle those keys from his grasp, maybe Alice would help. When we arrived at school, Robert played the part of old-fashioned, gentleman Edward perfectly. He opened doors for me, carried my books, the whole ten. Ever the smug bastard, and because he knew I loathed it, he would wrap his arm around my shoulder possessively as he walked me to my first class.

"Now, give us a kiss, love…" he had teased that morning. I scowled at him and told him if he wanted a kiss he could have one, planted right on my ass!

It was actions like those that led me to refuse to eat lunch with him. We already spent our time outside of class together anyway, and he always snuck into Bella's room at night. Usually we talked or played poker until I fell asleep. I kind of got used to waking up and seeing him sitting in the old rocking chair that sat in the corner of the bedroom.

"Bella. Earth to Bella." Jessica's voice snapped me back into reality. Rob smirked when he caught me staring at him, and I turned my head away quickly. "You and Cullen, that still happening?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, totally," I replied, taking a swig of milk.

"So, do you guys like… do stuff?" she pressed, drawing Angela's attention to the conversation.

Do stuff? What in God's name did she mean? Of course we did stuff. Robert and I hung out practically all the time, how could she miss that? Then, it dawned on me what she was really asking. Oh…_do_ stuff.

"Oh, you know," I shrugged, hoping to evade the topic, but had no such luck.

"He's a good kisser then? I mean, he never really dated anyone before, and I kind of thought he was gay," she said nonchalantly. I instantly retracted any kind words I'd ever said in defense of Jessica Stanley; she was a jealous bitch. Forget Edward's morally correct image, I was going to put Jessica in her place!

"Oh yeah, Edward's good…" I said in a sultry voice, "…at everything."

Jessica's eyes widened with surprise, and I could hear Robert choking on air from across the cafeteria. I cocked my head to the side and gave him an over exaggerated seductive wink. He shot daggers at me with his eyes, and the corner of my lips curled upwards into a devilish grin.

I turned my head back to Jessica, who had shaken off her shocked appearance, trying desperately to act like she knew exactly what I meant from her own personal experiences.

"So is he, you know, large and in charge like Mike, or a Tiny Tim?" she pressed, digging for juicy dirt.

I shot Robert a quick glance, knowing he, along with his "siblings," could hear the contents of my conversation with Jessica. Emmett looked like he was about to fall out of his chair. Even Rosalie appeared to be slightly amused. Robert shook his head back and forth, looking horrified

I wanted to tell Jessica just how little Little Eddie was, but couldn't bring myself to do it. First of all, it would be peculiar for Edward's blissfully happy girlfriend to complain about his cash and prizes. Secondly, I didn't truly hate Robert as much as I projected. Besides being a sordid asshole, he was actually a lot of fun to hang out with. I wouldn't go as far as to say that we had become friends, but I didn't think either one of us wanted to strangle the other, well not most of the time anyway.

"Nah, I'm just kidding, Jess," I said. "Edward and I are saving ourselves for marriage." Emmett and Jasper's chuckles echoed through the cafeteria as a look of relief washed over Robert's face.

"Really?" Angela squeaked. "I am too!" Jessica rolled her eyes, the conversation becoming too G-rated for her to handle.

_-%-%-%-%-_

_(Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen)_

"Shit, Edward, no wonder you're wound so tight. Your woman's not giving you any nookie," Emmett teased for the millionth time that day.

_Edward, you know a physical relationship with Bella would be extremely dangerous but if you should choose to increase your intimacy, I have faith in you,_ Carlisle silently relayed.

"For the last time, I am _not_ going to have sex with Bella," I stated firmly, directing my words at Emmet. Kenzie had described my "brother" as a tool, and she was right.

"You know Bill Clinton gave sex a whole new meaning. You don't need to do it, to do it, if you know what I'm sayin'," Emmett continued. I wanted to beat that shit grin off his face but held my anger back. Carlisle and I both glared at him, but he didn't know when to leave well enough alone. "I'm sure large and in charge Mike can satisfy Bella if you can't _rise_ to the occasion."

"That's it! Outside!" I seethed, pointing my arm toward the back door. I didn't care that he was mammoth; I would kick his ass for even suggesting that Kenzie would get her kicks somewhere else because I couldn't satisfy her!

"Edward! Emmett!" Esme chided. It was just enough for me to realize how silly my frustrations were. I _wasn't_ satisfying Kenzie but how could I? We weren't a thing. This whole Edward-Bella shit was just a cover, wasn't it?

"Sorry, dude," Emmett apologized. I nodded, brushing him off.

"Edward, why don't you go rescue Bella from Alice? I'm sure your sister's had enough time with her," Esme suggested.

Alice had convinced Charlie to allow Mackenzie to spend the night at the Cullen's house. Carlisle and Esme spoke to the Chief over the phone, ensuring him that there would be no inappropriate behavior on my part. No sooner had Kenzie and I walked through the door, Alice snatched her up, whisking her away for a makeover.

When I reached Alice and Jasper's room Kenzie was standing in front of a mirror wearing a strappy outfit I didn't understand and had curlers in her hair. I cleared my throat and she turned around, nearly tripping in the process.

"Edward!" Alice whined. "We're not finished."

From behind the small pixie, Kenzie mouthed the words "help me," and I couldn't help but chuckle. Alice huffed loudly and threw her arms in the air.

"Alright, fine. I can see that we _are_ done," she said disappointedly. "Next time we'll do manis and pedis."

"Great." Kenzie's said wryly while scurrying over to me.

I led her up the second floor staircase as she yanked at the curlers in her hair unsuccessfully. We stole into my room, and I shut the door behind us.

"Here, let me," I offered, placing her small hands in mine until she stilled her movements, allowing me to take over.

I plucked the pins out of her hair and removed the small barrels. Bounding curls fell to her shoulders. When the last curler had been removed, my fingers lingered in her soft locks. She looked up at me with her deep brown eyes and my thumb grazed the smooth skin of her jaw. A slight blush painted over her cheeks as a faint smile touched my lips.

"You look lovely," I remarked honestly.

Her eyes darted away from mine, looking down at our feet as she nervously bit her lip in a Bella Swan sort of way. I instantly removed my hands and stepped away. What the hell was I doing?

"S-sorry about Alice," I stuttered, desperate to change the subject.

"You ought to be," she remarked jaggedly. "What the hell am I wearing anyway?" She laughed as she looked down at her overly complicated clothing and spun around.

"Beats me," I shrugged. "Too bad we're seventeen and all or I'd take you to a disco."

"Thanks, but no thanks," she answered immediately.

"What, you don't like to dance? Or is the prospect of having fun just too horrible for you to imagine," I ribbed.

She rolled her eyes and gave me the finger.

"Ha-ha, Rob-Edward," she stumbled over her words but caught herself, well aware of the fact that my "family's" preternatural senses could pick up on our conversation. "I _like_ to have fun but probably not in the kind of 'classy' establishments you no doubt frequent."

Curious as to her meaning, I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Please, enlighten me."

"Look, you'll probably think I'm a traitor to our, er, my generation and all, but I really don't do the whole club thing. _If _I was old enough to drink, I imagine I would prefer taking my beverages at a less established kind of place," she explained.

"Go on," I pushed, not entirely sure what she meant by less established. Yeah, so I was Robert Pattinson and could get into any club or swank bar without a problem but that didn't mean that I actually liked going to those kinds of pretentious places.

"Old man bars," she said finally, almost embarrassed by this confession. If an old man bar was what I thought it was, I would be embarrassed to admit something like that too.

"Wow, I would've never pegged you as a gold digger, but hey, if the shoe fits," I shrugged.

"I'm _not_ a gold digger!" she said defiantly. "By 'old man bar' I mean the kind of dive that has some long-time patrons. Where the beer is cheap, the food is good, and the conversation revolves around tall-tales told by an old codger who's known for a good laugh. You know, the type of place that has awesomely good live bands on weekend nights without a cover charge."

Fuck, Mackenzie had just described my favorite pub back in London. Maybe we had more in common than either of us thought.

"So that's the kind of place you would frequent _if_ you could drink, is it?" I asked with a smirk.

"Yes, _if_ I could drink," she returned my crooked smile with one of her own.

"You know what, _Bella_?" I said, fluffing the pillow on the couch and inviting her to lie down.

"What's that, _Edward?"_ she answered, plopping down beside me.

"It's almost _Twilight,_" I joked, noting the darkening dusk that began to blanket the trees outside the large glass window. "It becomes you," I added in all honesty.

"Riiight," she drawled out, rolling her eyes. "How very _Edwardian _of you," she teased. "I'm beginning to think you seriously do belong here."

"I think…" I paused, not knowing if I should continue but recognized the truth of my words. "That is to say that I'm certain you do too."

She looked at me with glassy eyes, but didn't respond. We remained silent for the rest of the evening, trading glances until Kenzie's eyelids began to droop and eventually closed.

I wasn't sure if it was the pull of the _Twilight_ storyline or not but it seemed for certain that I was slowly falling in love with a girl who had once said she hated me.

How horribly ironic.


	12. Glitter

**Glitter**

_(Mackenzie Brooks as Bella Swan)_

Robert Pattinson was one of the most maddening people I'd ever known. Unfortunately it was becoming exceedingly difficult to even pretend to hate him. He was sort of loveable, in his own jackass kind of way. I inwardly cringed at myself, unable to deny the fact that I found him to be increasingly attractive.

_That's just the Twilight pills that are talking,_ I reasoned with myself, but my heart wouldn't be fooled.

I even stooped as low as imagining what Robert Pattinson looked like when he wasn't channeling Edward Cullen. He was a complete and utter mess in real life. He never shaved, smoked like a chimney, wore ratty ass clothing probably purchased from a thrift store, and couldn't button his shirt correctly half the time. Sadly, those images didn't do the trick. If anything, they just made me want him more. God, I needed to get out of here.

It was a rare, gorgeous sunny day in Forks. Everyone at school was smiling and trying to catch a few rays, but I was miserable. Sunny days meant no Robert. I couldn't wait for the last bell to ring and raced home, only to find him waiting for me.

"Hard day?" he asked, seeing my flushed face.

"Extraordinarily boring," I gave him an honest reply. "Charlie's working late today. Let's go somewhere."

"Alright," he readily agreed.

We drove his monster Jeep, just another in the Cullen's endless supply of vehicles, along one of Forks' many back roads until we reached a makeshift path cut through the trees.

"Hold on," Robert ordered with a grin, pressing the gas peddle down and driving onto rough terrain.

"Where. The. Hell. Are. We. Going?" I managed to say with chattering teeth as the Jeep rambled through the woods.

"I want to show you something," he answered.

I thought I was going to be carsick and was thankful when the vehicle slowed to a stop.

"We'll have to run from here," he announced once we were out of the Jeep.

"Run?" I repeated, thinking he was insane.

"Come on, love, where's your sense of adventure?" He flashed a crooked smile, goading me with his eyes, knowing I wouldn't back down.

I crawled up onto his back, feeling very awkward. We hadn't ever been this close to one another. I didn't exactly mind it but this new proximity was very weird.

Robert placed his hands on my thighs near my ass, securing me to his back.

"Watch the hands there, Bobby," I warned. He laughed and slid his palms toward the backs of my knees.

"Hold on spider monkey," he teased.

"You _did_ _not_ just say that," I laughed, remembering the hands-down dumbest line from the first _Twilight_ movie.

He didn't reply but instead took off sprinting through the woods. Everything whooshed by me at lightning speed, and I thought for sure that I would pass out. I closed my eyes and buried my face in Robert's hair at the base of his neck. God, he smelled good. He had never appeared to be a very hygienic fellow, in fact quite the opposite. However, he was anything but smelly. His natural cologne reeked of sweet carelessness, with an edge of power. It was intoxicating.

"Um, you can get down now," Robert said, his cool breath in my face.

Much to my embarrassment, I was still clutching onto him for dear life, having no idea how long we'd been stationary. I slid down his back, keeping my mortified eyes from looking at him. Instead, I focused on the expansive clearing in front of me. The entire field was vibrant, colorful, and alive. Assorted flowers grew wild in the sprawling brush. It was then that I realized where Robert had taken me, our meadow, er, Edward and Bella's meadow.

"Promise you won't laugh?" He warned as he edged out of the shadows and toward the sunlight.

"I swear," I vowed. True, the concept of a sparkly vampire was freaking hilarious, but I wouldn't dare laugh at Robert. Well, not in _that_ moment at least.

He took a step into the sun, and I immediately shielded my eyes. I squinted as I looked back at him. The sun's rays bounced off of his skin in a wonderful array of colors. He didn't just sparkle, he shimmered. Sunlight kissed every inch of his body, and I was rendered completely speechless. Bella had been right; he was beautiful.

"I've finally figured out how to shut you up. I'll have to remember this." Robert smirked upon seeing my awestricken face. And just like that Bobby the Bastard broke the magical spell. Jerk.

We settled into the surprisingly soft grass. I was thankful that Stephenie Meyer had created the meadow as an enchanting place without snakes or bugs otherwise there would be no way in hell that I would be lying down in it. Robert and I lounged on our sides, mirroring one another, well sort of. His head gracefully rested against his open palm, propped up by his elbow, whereas I struggled to find balance. Damn Bella and her inability to do anything with ease. It was a miracle that the girl could walk and talk at the same time. Eventually, I found a comfortable groove in the grass, and Robert and I fell into another pointless, yet entertaining conversation.

"So, does _every _part of you sparkle?" I asked unabashedly.

"Wouldn't you like to know," he replied with mock seduction.

"That's why I'm asking after all, but this isn't show and tell; I'll take your word for it," I said without missing a beat.

"Then I guess you'll just have to use your imagination," he answered.

"I'll pass." I flopped on my back having already become uncomfortable with both my position and the thought of him naked. "What's your real life like?" I changed the direction of the conversation.

"What do you mean?" he asked, sincerely not sure what I was trying to get at.

"The whole 'lifestyles of the rich and famous' gig, what's that like?" I clarified.

"Ah, yes." He rolled onto his back too, and we both looked up at the sky. "It's a real trip, that's for sure. It's absolutely crazy but brilliant fun at the same time. The paparazzi bit isn't exactly my cup of tea and there's the fact that I pretty much can't go anywhere without being mauled. That can get dodgy at times…"

"Sounds like loads of fun," I said flatly.

From the outside looking in, being famous seemed like it would be fun for maybe like forty-eight hours but after that, not so much.

"Well, it won't last forever," he stated. I was surprised to hear him say that. I assumed that he wouldn't be that practical and believed his star would always be the brightest in Hollywood. "What about your life, when you're not dying of a cold that is?"

"Life's good." It was the truth. "I have a wonderful, yet obtrusive mother, a devoted step-father, and an enthusiastic sister. I can't say that I don't have worries, I mean, I'm scared shitless about finding a job after I graduate, but I just have to believe it will all work out."

He was silent for a minute, probably contemplating some snarky reply. However what he said wasn't snarky at all.

"You know for as blunt and outspoken as you are, I think that that might be the most honest thing you've ever said to me. You aren't so bad when you're not riding the bitter bus."

"They have a bus for that?" I joked, poking fun of myself. He was right after all.

Time seemed to slip away without notice, and we lost ourselves in conversation filled with delicious banter. If one didn't know any better, they'd think we were friends. Just as we were coming down from another fit of laughter, this time at Robert's expense, he shot to his feet without warning.

"What?" I asked, scrambling out of my grassy nook.

"Shh!" he silenced me.

Normally I would've argued with him but the tense muscles contorting around his face, paired with his coal black eyes told me that something was wrong. In a flash, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer to him, then took a protective stance in front of me. I was about to protest and complain of whiplash when I saw a trio of people emerge from the woods.

Shit.

We were royally screwed.

_-%-%-%-%-_

_(Robert Pattinson as a Predator)_

Damn it. Why had I been so naïve to think we could avoid this? Everything else in the story had found a way to play out, so why wouldn't this? At least I knew that just like everything else, Edward and Bella's "love" would conquer all. Still, the thought of pulling the whole Bella leaving Charlie charade in an attempt to evade James by flying to Phoenix just seemed to be more annoying than anything else. Besides, I really wasn't looking forward to killing someone that looked identical to Cam Gidget. After all, I liked the guy. Couldn't we skip to the end?

I could hear Mackenzie's heart beating rapidly and knew she was truly frightened. For as big of a pain in the ass that she was, she'd sort of grown on me. I wasn't about to let anyone harm her without putting up a fight first. It dawned on me that this must have been what Edward felt. He was willing to sacrifice himself for Bella without a second thought, and now, so was I.

The trio neared us, salivating over Kenzie. The vampire who resembled Edi Gathegi took a careful step toward me.

"We thought we heard voices," he said, his French accent slight, yet still recognizable. "I'm Laurent, these are Victoria and James." He motioned to the vampires near him.

Had my predator instincts not kicked in, I would've been happy to see Rachelle Lafevre. However, I wasn't about to begin reminiscing with my enemies. I kept my eyes fixed on James, knowing he was the true threat, and Laurent's attempt to appear to be the leader of the group was only a ploy. I snarled, drawing myself further in front of Kenzie's small body.

"We've been on the hunt all the way down from Ontario. We were curious to see who was in the neighborhood. We haven't run into any company in a long time, but we certainly won't encroach on your territory," he continued calmly, trying to ease my worry that they would be a threat, but I knew better.

James' thoughts gave his true intentions away. The alluring scent of Kenzie's blood called out to him, and my overprotection of her only served to make him more curious.

"You brought a snack?" James spoke for the first time, and I could feel Kenzie cringe with fear from behind me. I hissed in his direction, crouched low, and prepared to defend Kenzie with everything I had, knowing I would be no match for three thirsty opponents.

Ferocious growls resounded across the vast meadow, and I lurched forward without a second thought.


	13. The Hair of the Dog

**The Hair of the Dog**

_(Mackenzie Brooks as lunchmeat)_

Watching a wolf transform into a human before my eyes nearly caused me to faint, again. How Bella had remained such good friends with Jacob after the first time he shifted into a wolf in front of her was beyond me. I would've run for the hills a long time ago if I'd actually been her.

My heart was still in my throat, and Robert was crouched low in front of me, ready to attack. His eyes were locked on Sam Uley, watching as he transformed from a wolf into a human. Afterwards, Robert relaxed slightly, but still remained alert. Fuck that! If I could have, I would've run across the field and thrown my arms around Sam, hugging him for all I was worth. If it hadn't been for the near naked wolf-man, I would've been someone's tasty Bloody Mary, served to perfection.

The moment James attacked, Robert lunged forward, but Victoria's speed allowed her to intercept him. Laurent, ever a coward, backed away. James got to me so quickly, securing me in place, ready to claim his prize.

I felt his cold breath against my neck, and then his lips grazed my skin, opening ever so slowly. A howl resounded throughout the meadow, but my mind was numb, realizing I was going to die. Just as James sunk his teeth into me, I was shoved to the ground. The wind was knocked out of me and the pain was so fierce, I struggled to breath.

While Robert battled with Victoria, a large hairy beast overtook James. Seeing the wolf out of the corner of his eyes caused Robert's attention to be pulled away from the woman he was fighting. Laurent seized the brief opportunity and snatched Victoria, dragging her away helplessly. With two of the threats eliminated, Robert rushed over to aid in the destruction of James. By the time he had torn the evil vampire limb from limb, Alice and Jasper showed up, followed by the rest of the Cullen's.

They worked together to burn James' body, the flames charring the beautiful purity of the meadow while I twitched violently on the ground, writhing in agony.

"He bit her." I could hear Carlisle's voice, but the pain was too intense for me to concentrate. I continued to flail in the grass, feeling as though I was burning alive.

_-%-%-%-%-_

_(Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen)_

I watched helplessly as Mackenzie screamed out in torture, wincing as phantom memories of Edward's change ran through my head. Carlisle and Alice were speaking to me, telling to bite her again and allow my venom to spread throughout her body, completing her change, but I ignored them. I knew that she could be saved and prayed that I could be strong enough to do just that.

Tentatively, I ran my icy hands over Kenzie's pained face. I leaned in closer to her neck, the scent of her blood bating me. Without another thought, I placed my mouth over her exposed wound, pulling the thick liquid into my throat. The metallic taste of James' venom was overwhelming and made me feel nauseous but hidden underneath was the most incredible flavor. I felt almost dizzy and drunk. I sucked harder, relieved when the tangy taste of venom had faded, leaving me with just the purity of Kenzie.

Luckily, Carlisle had caught onto my plan and urged me to stop feeding before I entirely consumed her. Somehow, I was able to pull together enough strength to stop. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done.

"Is her blood clean?" Carlisle asked, knowing that if it wasn't then she wouldn't withstand more being pulled from her, and she would have to endure the change.

I nodded, unable to speak.

"Robward," she moaned in delirium.

My "family" was confused by her mumbling but didn't think too much of it. After all, she had just suffered unbelievable trauma. I scooped her weightless body up and rocked her in my arms, vowing to never let her go, even though I knew that to be a sad impossibility.

It was then that a foul stench entered my system. I placed Kenzie tentatively back on the ground and rose to the balls of my feet, turning my body until I came face to face with the wolf that had aided me in defeating James. The rest of my "family" was tense, save for Alice and Carlisle, who stayed near Kenzie. Instinctively, I crouched down low, ready to attack if necessary.

The wolf snarled at me, showing his sharp teeth. We squared off until he backed away. In an instant he had transformed into a human. Even though I knew about the shape shifting Quileute's, this action still caught me off guard.

_Sam Uley._ I knew who he was right away.

I eased up on my defensive stance only slightly.

"Get away from the girl, leech!" he spat angrily.

"She's with me, dog!" I huffed, not willing to back down.

"You would do well to remember the treaty," he threatened.

"We honor the treaty," Carlisle's voice came from behind me, and then suddenly he was at my side, calm as always.

"It doesn't look that way," he motioned to Kenzie, who was wrapped in Alice's arms.

"You know as well as I do that we saved this girl—all of us…together," Carlisle reminded Sam. He growled, knowing the truth of my "father's" words, but clearly displeased.

"Fine, but she comes with me," he repeated.

"No!" I retorted, wanting to launch myself at this son-of-a-bitch, but Carlisle placed a firm hand on my shoulder, keeping my anger at bay.

"You are outnumbered here. We don't wish to harm the girl but rather return her to her father. You can follow us if you'd like, but we will not leave her side," Carlisle spoke flatly. "You witnessed what happened. Surely you know that we could have taken her blood had we wanted to."

Again, Sam snarled but did not deny the truth of Carlisle's words.

"We don't wish to harm the human," my "father" repeated. "Perhaps we are not so different than your clan of shape shifters."

Sam didn't appreciate being lumped into the same category as vampires and transformed back into his wolf form. Everyone except for Carlisle tensed, preparing to attack. Sam growled and eyed each one of us over before turning on his heels and disappearing into the forest.


	14. Dancing with Danger

**Dancing With Danger**

_(Mackenzie Brooks as Bella Swan)_

Prom.

He had actually talked me into going to prom.

Now, I knew I was crazy. At least I wasn't sporting a walking cast like Bella had been. I actually looked pretty decent in the blue dress Alice had purchased for me. Of course Robert looked freaking amazing and dapper in his classic black tuxedo. In that moment, I sort of understood why Bella didn't think she was much next to Edward. However, I wouldn't allow myself to feel pale in comparison to Robert. For one, I definitely wasn't as pale as him, and for another, he was with me. He could've chosen to forget about the whole prom thing, or could have gone with anyone else, but no, he wanted me. A removed part of my brain knew that he was likely playing out the rest of _Twilight_ just as we had been doing all along, but I liked to think that a small part of him wanted to be with me too.

Forks High was decorated with every cheesy dance decoration that a dismal budget could buy. I couldn't help but smile though. I'd been to prom—twice before actually—and it had been nothing like this. In my experience, girls wore formal gowns and were driven to a fancy ballroom in stretch limousines. Times had definitely changed since my high school days, making me feel old. The girls were dressed in shorter, more revealing gowns, not unlike the one I was wearing. The dance was held in the gymnasium, and people drove their own vehicles or nicer cars that they borrowed from their parents. Aside from the sexy attire, this was the old man bar of proms.

Robert escorted me inside and led me out onto the dance floor. I didn't shy away from dancing one bit; I was an excellent dancer. My stepfather was a bit of an old-fashioned guy and had taught me to dance when I was younger. I had grown up learning the foxtrot and rumba so I was confident in my ability to hold my own at the Forks High School prom. Unfortunately, Bella's clumsiness caused me to trip over my own feet. Luckily, Robert caught me in his strong arms.

"You okay, champ?" he teased as he steadied me.

"Fine, tiger," I quipped back.

His smile suddenly disappeared as he turned his attention toward the main doors. I followed his stare, puzzled by his reaction, but quickly understood. Jacob Black was sauntering carelessly across the gymnasium toward us. I could hear a rumble in Robert's chest as the competition neared.

"I don't like it anymore than you, but just quit it, okay?" I hissed.

"He wants to talk to you," Robert told me, having read Jake's thoughts.

"Hey, Bella, I was hoping you would be here," Jacob said with false excitement once he reached Robert and me.

"Well, here I am," I replied somewhat dryly. All I wanted was to enjoy prom with Robert, but the damn dog wanted to hump my leg. _Ugh._

"Can I cut in?" he asked nervously, hoping I'd say yes.

I couldn't help but feel a bit bad for the guy. I knew how much Bella continually screwed him over throughout _The Twilight Saga_. She seriously had no right to get pissy with him in _Breaking Dawn_. The least she could do was offer up her first born for all the shit she put him through.

I signaled with my eyes to Robert that it was okay. He didn't like it, but he stepped away from me.

"Thanks," Jake said, taking my hand in his big sweaty palm.

_Horny teenagers,_ I inwardly sighed.

"Can you believe my dad paid me twenty bucks to come to your prom?" he asked sheepishly.

"Yes, I can," I replied flatly, already knowing what Billy Black had conned his son into doing.

"I would've come anyway though…for a chance to dance with you," he admitted with quiet embarrassment.

_Oh, Jakey-poo, you are so utterly hopeless_, I thought to myself.

His little puppy dog face was doing quite a number on my heart though. I didn't know how to respond to his confession, especially knowing Robert was nearby listening. We remained silent until Jake cleared his throat.

"So, don't you want to know why my dad paid me to come here?" he asked, trying to reproach the subject as to the ulterior motives for crashing the dance.

"Let me guess, he thinks Edward is dangerous and wants me to break up with him?" I cocked an eyebrow, knowing I had taken the words right out of his mouth. Jake looked at me puzzled. "My dad's a cop and your father's best friend. It's not the first time I've heard this."

Jacob seemed to buy this answer and nodded his head. I thought he would be relieved, but he still looked uncomfortable.

"There's something else…"

Something else? I didn't remember there being something else. Again, damn me for not hanging onto every stupid detail of _Twilight_; apparently that shit was important.

"Don't get mad, okay?" he qualified.

Oh brother. Whatever he was going to say must have been something really god awful like "use a condom tonight so you and your vamp lover don't breed." I wanted to save him the embarrassment but wasn't sure how to go about it.

"It's so bad," he continued, his face turning a slight shade of red. I knew I had to say something, but what? "He said to tell you, no, to _warn _you, that —and this is his plural, not mine—we'll be watching.'" He released the breath he had been holding in and waited for me to respond.

_We'll be watching?_ I repeated to myself. What the hell was that supposed to mean?

"You're mad," Jake said when I failed to react to his statement.

"What? No, Jake." I gave him a half smile to reassure him I was telling the truth. "It just sounds a little Al Pacino to me. You know, 'the Godfather?'" I heard Robert snicker in the background but ignored him.

"Do you want to dance again? Or can I help you get somewhere?" he offered, hoping I would ditch my date, who showed up not a second later.

"Gee wiz, Jake, isn't it past curfew?" Robert taunted, grabbing me and pulling me to his side. He exchanged menacing looks with Jacob, and suddenly I felt annoyed by both of them and their proverbial pissing contest.

"I guess I'll see you around, Bella," he mumbled to me but didn't immediately back away. I think he was waiting to see if I would call his bluff and leave with him after all. When I didn't move, he stepped away, leaving dejectedly.

"Poor pup," Robert said sarcastically. "Never really had a chance." I rolled my eyes, irritated by his sudden need to be all things Edward. At the same time, I had to admit the whole possessive thing was sort of a turn on.

"You didn't have to be such a jackass, Bobby," I huffed, wriggling from his grasp. Robert looked almost astonished by my anger.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to cock block the kid. By all means, go after the sixteen year old, Mrs. Robinson," he retorted angrily. I wasn't happy with his insinuation that I planned on seducing someone who was not a legal adult. "Should I start calling you Statch? I guess Taylor Lautner is eighteen in real life so perhaps the nickname isn't so fitting."

What. A. Fucker.

_-%-%-%-%-_

_(Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen)_

I knew I had gone too far, but I couldn't help myself. Why did she have to be such a raging bitch all the time? God, I hope I didn't have to be trapped with her for much longer. If so, I was likely to take a cue from Edward and go seek immanent death from the Volturi.

Mackenzie fumed away angrily, walking toward the coat check. I watched her from afar, not yet willing to swallow my pride and apologize. The thought of groveling for forgiveness and knowing how much pleasure that would bring her just enraged me further. She turned her head towards me and gave me a devilish smile, and I knew she was up to something.

At a human pace, I followed once she left the gymnasium. It wasn't until I was out in the parking lot that I caught onto her evil plan. She was already in my Volvo by the time I walked out the door. She thrust the car into reverse and then slammed the gas toward me, cornering the vehicle at the last second, and hitting the breaks.

I thought for certain that she would speed away from Forks High School, leaving me in a cloud of dust. Instead, she rolled down the window and gave me seductive look.

"Wanna go for a ride, Pattinson?" she asked with a wink while revving the engine. "I have to warn you, I go fast…_really_ fast."

"I'm counting on it," I chuckled, not hesitating to climb into the passenger seat.

She peeled out of the parking lot with a positively malicious chuckle. I didn't know what she had in store, but I was sure it would be something that neither one of us would ever forget.


	15. Tongue-in-Cheek

**Tongue-in-Cheek**

_(Mackenzie Brooks as a jilted Bella Swan)_

I pushed the Volvo to its limit while Robert sat nervously beside me, clenching his iron fists around the edge of the seat. Though _he_ was a vampire and couldn't be harmed if we were to crash, I wasn't as invincible. However, I no longer cared about my safety or security.

_Twilight _was over.

The first part of the saga had been told in its entirety, yet we were still mulling about in its pages. I wasn't quite sure what I was expecting to happen but it was something along the lines of _"poof"_ and then I'd be back to living my normal, boring everyday life. Instead, I was dangerously maneuvering the Volvo across a dark road surrounded by forest.

We'd been driving around for the better part of an hour without any conversation. Robert had picked up on my tense determination to literally drive myself insane, and, like a smart boy, he remained a silent passenger.

_This is it_, I thought to myself as the car continued to pick up speed. _We're trapped here for at least three sequels!_

Abruptly, I slammed on the breaks. Robert flung his arm in front of me, trying to save me from a forceful impact, but I didn't care anymore. If this world had become my life, I wasn't sure I wanted to live, but I didn't really want to die either. I just wanted to go home and be me again, not this freak show Bella Swan.

"What the hell, Kenzie?" Robert barked once the car had come to a complete stop.

I slumped down in my seat, feeling numb. He put the car in park and removed the keys from the ignition, putting them in his pocket for safe keeping. I barely heard his voice as bile began to rise in my throat. The fictitious world of _Twilight_ had consumed us, possibly forever. Silently, I cursed Stephenie Meyer.

"I think I'm going to be sick!" I mumbled, before opening the car door and rolling out of it. Sadly, I didn't vomit. The crisp night air had instantly soothed my nausea. Fucking Forks.

"Are you alright?" Robert asked with concern.

"Fine," I lied.

How could he be so calm at a time like this? Didn't he realize what was happening? Was he unaware of the fact that we weren't going to be leaving this godforsaken place any time soon?

Then, it hit me.

Correction, _I _wasn't leaving this godforsaken place, but _he_ was.

Though I hadn't read _New Moon_, I was well aware of Edward's novel-length absence. Thinking of being left to rot in Forks without Robert sent a fresh wave of nausea through me. Suddenly, a thousand other worries swam through my head. What if Robert really did leave? What if he never came back? What if he succeeded in killing himself like Edward tried to do in Italy? This last thought made my lees wobble, and I began sinking to my knees. In a flash, Robert caught me in his arms and carried me into the forest, wanting to avoid suspicion of anyone that might pass by.

"Mackenzie…" His beautiful lips were pulled tightly together in a deep frown. He probably thought I was nuts and was sad to be stuck here with me until the end of the _Twi_-time. I wished we could skim through the rest of the books, just as I had done while reading them.

Then, a thought occurred to me—a beautiful, wonderful, hopeful thought. What if we could just skip to the end? There would have to be some waiting around for prewritten events to occur but why did we have to play by the rules? Maybe we weren't in charge of the details, but we were in control of Bella and Edward.

I gasped audibly as this new plan began to form in my head. Robert looked at me with careful curiosity, knowing that something was going on in my crazy head. Sure, Stephenie Meyer's Edward was sexually repressed, but Robert Pattinson couldn't possibly be as much of a prude. With as much pussy surrounding him on a daily basis, not to mention his rumored romance with Kristen Stewart, the kid had to be getting more than some.

"I'm sorry…about my little joy ride of insanity." I struggled through my apology, not really sure how to explain my plan.

"I'm never letting you drive again. Ever!" he answered but gave a playful grin, relieved that I seemed to have gotten a hold of myself.

I was glad that the tension was beginning to lift, but I knew I couldn't hold off forever. It was only a matter of time before Robert asked me what had possessed me to pose as an eccentric NASCAR driver. I felt the blood drain from my face at the thought of how ridiculous my proposition would sound out loud. The notion of kissing a vampire and former smoker only semi-repulsed me but the idea of kissing Robert Pattinson was down right unnerving.

_Relax,_ I told myself. _He's just a regular guy who is ruled by his penis, and you are a woman, and a fairly attractive one at that!_

I shook my nerves away and instead plastered on my best seductive smile. I had to make my move on him; it was now or never.

"What can I say? Speed turns me on?" My cheeks burned from embarrassment as soon as the words flew out of my mouth. God, my attempts to be flirtatious were lame. I had zero game; no wonder I was single.

"Are you drunk?" he asked, only half joking.

"Do you want me to be?" I intentionally slurred my words and gave him a mischievous grin.

"Why in God's name would I want that?" he was perplexed but amused at the same time.

"So you can take advantage of me." I batted my eyelashes at him as his face twisted with confusion.

"You are fucking strange as hell, Kenzie!" he laughed nervously, keeping a keen eye on me as I stepped toward him.

"Come on, Robert. I _know _you find me attractive and wantme. Isn't this what normal teenagers do on prom night?" I put myself out there, wishing I really had been drunk.

"W-what?" he stuttered, caught off guard. "No."

"No, this isn't what happens on prom night? Or no, you don't find me attractive and want me?" I had him cornered

"Yes, I mean, erm, of course I find you attractive but…" he was reaching for words. I took advantage of his confusion and stepped closer to him so that we were merely inches apart.

"Then just shut up." He opened his mouth to object, but I swiftly leaned into him, mashing my lips to his.

My heart thudded in my chest as I moved against his frozen lips. Not a second later, I felt his icy hand grip my shoulder. I breathed him in, relieved that he seemed to be responding to my advances. However, my lips were soon torn from his as he gently pushed me backward. My eyes flew open to see his face twisted in shock and disgust.

Tears quickly spilled down my cheeks. Not only had my plan backfired, but Robert had rejected me. My face felt flush with embarrassment. I turned away from him and then sunk to the ground, mortified, understanding how Bella must have felt having been repeatedly rejected by Edward.

_-%-%-%-%-_

_(Robret Pattinson in shock)_

Mackenzie's soft lips were crushed against my mouth. For a split second, I reveled in her taste, but quickly recovered before I could kiss her in return. My hands gripped onto her tiny shoulders, and I carefully shoved her body away from mine. The instant her warmth left my skin, I felt hollow. _Damn Edward and his lust for Bella!_ I mentally cursed, even though I wasn't certain that I could blame _Twilight_ entirely for my reaction to Mackenzie.

My self-loathing was quickly delayed when I saw her lips quivering and registered the hurt in her eyes. She turned to shield her face from me, but I could see tears sliding down her porcelain cheeks. I watched helplessly as she crumpled to the ground and cradled her face in her hands.

"Kenzie!" Too fast for a human, I dropped to her side. "Please, Kenzie, talk to me; don't shut me out!" My pleading was useless and she continued to silently sob into her palms. Not knowing what else to do, I reached out and stroked her hair. After several minutes, she placed her hands in her lap.

"I'm, I'm sorry," she blubbered, still avoiding my eyes.

"It's okay, really," I tried to reassure even though I was incredibly puzzled by her behavior. "I'm not sure what just happened—the car, then the, erm, come-ons?"

"Oh God!" she cried out, burying her face in her hands once more. I would have felt like a right asshole for having pressed the issue if she hadn't perked her head up soon after. "I wish you could read my mind!" Her words were almost angry, yet they made me feel relieved.

"I'm starting to be glad I can't!" I replied in all honesty. "I don't want to even know what goes on in that crazy-ass brain of yours!" I smirked while nudging her arm, trying to break the tension, and was granted the tiniest smile. "Let me help you up," I offered her my hand and lifted her to her feet. She looked down at her dress which was spoiled with dirt.

"Some prom night, eh?" A small laugh escaped her lips as she shook her head back and forth, grappling with everything that had conspired.

"I've had better." I grinned while keeping her hand in mine, and lead her through the forest.

We were silent during the car ride back to the Cullen's house. Alice had arranged for Kenzie to stay the night, and Charlie couldn't refuse the enthusiastic pixie. Though we already spent every night together, it would be nice to not have to climb through Bella's window for a change, as well as not have to talk in hushed tones. However, the Cullen house presented its own set of challenges. For instance, we always had to be mindful of our speech in order to keep up the _Twilight _charade, not that we did an exceptionally good job. Kenzie made a big show of calling me Edward and speaking about my vampiric nature. Close monitoring of my "family's" thoughts indicated that they believed us to be flirting. At first, that very notion was beyond hilarious; we hated one another after all. But now, I couldn't help but wonder if they were right.

"There they are," Jasper said when we walked into the house.

"Bella, what on earth happened to you?" Alice exclaimed upon seeing Kenzie standing barefoot with dead leaves and dried grass stuck to her dress.

"No wonder you two left the dance in such a hurry! There's nothing like a little late night lovin'," Emmett ridiculed. His character was so pathetic; it was annoying. At least he made me appreciate Kellan, who was nowhere near as shallow real life. I gritted my teeth and looked at Kenzie expecting to see the same reaction, but she seemed unfazed.

"Oh you're _so_ right, Emmett," she stated coolly. "Nothing says 'Prom Night' like a romp in the woods. Thanks Edward, you were wonderful." She winked at me as she walked passed a stunned and speechless Emmett. I didn't bother to stifle my laughter as I began to follow her up the stairs, glad that she was back to her old feisty self.

"Edward," Rosalie called out before I could get far. _That human's got your balls in a vice grip, _she silently continued. _I was wrong before, she's perfect for you! _I was surprised by my "sister's" acknowledgment, but quickly became distracted by Kenzie's voice calling me from Edward's bedroom.

"Hurry up, Lover! I want to break in the bed!" I growled and heard the snickering of my family behind me. Fucking Mackenzie Brooks!I was insane to think I had any kind of feelings for her outside of pure hatred. She _was_ positively prime evil. When I entered Edward's room she was sitting cross legged on the large bed. "Oh, fiddlesticks, I forgot about your precious virtue. Let's just cuddle instead and you can smell my neck or something while I give you a handy."

True to my character, I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to decide if feigning my appetite for her blood was worth the trouble.

"Easy, Count Chocula. I was only trying to get a rise out of you…guess it worked!" She broke out in a fit of laughter that echoed throughout the house.

_Nope, not worth the trouble_.

Before she could blink, I was on the bed, pinning her down beneath me. Kenzie's brown eyes widened in fear as her heart thrummed spastically against her chest.

"You know, _Bella_," I rasped. "As I seem to recall it was _you_ who was so eager to please _me_. Why else would you have gotten on your knees?" Without reason or thought, I bent my head down and crashed my lips against hers. Unlike our first kiss, our mouths moved together feverishly, only breaking apart when Kenzie began gasping for air.

Immediately, I pulled away and sat back on my haunches, releasing my hold on her. Her chest continued to heave and we both struggled to gain composure. After three very long minutes, she slowly sat up, but evaded my eyes.

"Sorry," I mumbled, feeling both perplexed and mortified by my rash actions.

"Yeah, um, me too," she answered quietly. We remained in an awkward silence before she lay down in the bed and turned away from me.

Naively, I thought perhaps that she would fall asleep and the morning would wipe away the dance, the woods, the kiss, and the other kiss. Little did I know that this would be the longest night of my entire life.


	16. Kiss of Death

**Kiss of Death**

_(Mackenzie Brooks as a humbled Bella Swan)_

What the hell was that? There was no way I should be kissing Robert Pattinson or Edward Cullen for that matter, nor should I be enjoying it! I couldn't even lie to myself and pretend to be disgusted and pissed. Once the immediately shock had worn off, I had poured myself into kissing him back. I had been so critical of Bella Swan, pining away for a vampire, but now I could actually empathize with the love-starved teenager. In that moment on the bed all rational thought ceased to exist. All I wanted was for Robert to completely consume me. Only when I came up for air did little pieces of reality float back into place.

My mind was so completely rattled that I couldn't even change out of my prom dress. I brought my knees up to my chest, curling into a tight ball. I knew Robert was watching me from where he sat on the couch. His stare was a heavy weight crushing down on me.

"It's quiet," I whispered, my voice so low it was barely audible.

"The Cullens' have left for the evening to give us privacy," he replied evenly.

"Oh," I replied almost breathlessly. "Before, in the woods I mean… I, um, I just wanted to speed things along. I thought if we could just get on with it maybe we could avoid the rest of _The Twilight Saga_ and skip to the end." Robert remained silent, absorbing my words. "I-I guess that you were probably thinking the same thing, right?"

"Yeah," he said, his voice sounding distant.

Carefully, I rolled over so that I was facing him. His head was turned from me, staring idly out the window. Slowly, he faced the bed, his topaz eyes burning into me from his perch. As I stared into his honey colored eyes, I felt my heart begin to slowly break apart. Once again, I couldn't help but think of our impending separation. Imagining surviving Forks and _Twilight_ without Robert caused me to hurt in places I didn't know existed, and I couldn't fight the tears that fell from my eyes.

"I don't want you to leave me," I blubbered.

"I'm not going anywhere," Robert reassured, a deep frown settling across his perfect face.

"But you will," I sobbed. "It's inevitable. It's like you said, the story plays out no matter what. You leave Bella in _New Moon_, and I…" I couldn't finish, choking on my tears as they poured down my cheeks. "I don't want to live like this. I'd rather die," I choked out, afraid of the magnitude of my words. In a flash, Robert was laying by my side, stroking my hair.

"I know; I'm sorry, Kenzie," he said gently, and then pressed his cool lips to my forehead.

I clutched onto him, burying my face in his chest. His simple, earthy scent calmed my aching heart and my cries began to subside. I had been so wrong about everything. Bella Swan hadn't been flighty and naïve, she had been young and in love. Edward wasn't a crazy stalker…okay, he was, but he was protecting the only person that mattered to him. Robert's strong arms enveloped me as his fingers ran up and down my back soothingly. I let one final tear fall as I realized what I think I knew all along, but had been denying,

I loved Robert Pattinson.

Even when he was being a horrible douche-bag, I still loved the bastard. I really was just like every other fan girl. Damn it all to hell!

A familiar tune reverberated from Robert's lips causing my eyelids to droop until they were closed. He continued to hum a soft lullaby while I slowly drifted asleep.

_-%-%-%-%-_

_(Robert Pattinson as a Vampire)_

My dead heart was heavy in my chest as I watched Kenzie drift into unconscious realms that I wasn't sure I would ever know again. The right thing for me do was to relinquish my hold on her now that she was fast asleep. However, I couldn't bring myself the leave her warmth. I felt protective of her, and wished more than anything that I could fix our predicament and transform us both back to the real world. The events of _New Moon_ loomed ahead of us, and I knew that they would be impossible to evade. I couldn't fathom the thought of leaving her behind in Forks on my way to Volterra in search of death, but I was just as certain as Kenzie that these things would transpire.

Like a madman, I concocted every feasible plan to escape our fucked-up future, but nothing would save us from our fate. I shook off several insane schemes, and instead decided to do the one thing that I knew would destroy the world of _Twilight _and everything in it forever.

"Kenzie," I whispered into the darkness. She moaned softly at the sound of my voice but didn't wake.

Gently, I stroked her cheek, its warmth burning me alive. I ghosted my lips over hers, applying only the slightest pressure. She tasted so sweet, I almost moaned in agony.

"I'm sorry," I whispered too low for a human to hear. Unable to fight horrible pangs of guilt and agony any longer, I broke down into silent sobs.

As I collected myself, her eyes began to flutter, and I hesitated to make my move. Her brow furrowed in confusion as she looked up at me. In mere seconds, realization of what I was about to do broke over her, and her eyes widened, causing my resolve to wane. She didn't cry nor protest. Instead, she brought her hand up to my face and stroked it lovingly.

She looked at me with a calm reverie that shook me to the core. Without hesitation, she turned her head to the side, exposing the creamy flesh of her neck, goading me to drink. I nuzzled my nose against the patch of skin right below her ear and heard her shaking breath. My lips melted against her throat as a luscious aroma infiltrated my senses. I slid downward until I was directly over the lovely pulsating vein which continued to taunt me. Without a second thought, I opened my mouth and bit down. My teeth sunk into her flesh without effort, and she opened her mouth in mute screams. I stilled her quaking body as I began to drink from her, feeling the venom flowing freely.

Mackenzie's hot blood ran down my throat as I took long pulls from her now almost lifeless body. In that moment in time I understood Edward Cullen with absolute clarity. He had loved Bella more than life, more than death, and beyond eternity.

Though her blood seduced him, its taste was bittersweet. Regardless, I kept drinking, trying to find the strength to end her agony as well as mine. Her heartbeat faltered, weakening with each passing second until it was so faint that I barely registered its feeble convulsions. With her last bit of strength, she released one final breath. The steady stream of blood had ceased; she was completely drained.

_Dead._

I had killed her.

I relinquished my mouth from her lifeless body and slowly pulled away. Her skin was pale, even more translucent than mine, yet she looked beautiful. As I gazed down at her, I was momentarily frozen with shock over what I had just done.

_It was the right thing to do, wasn't it? She wanted that…she wanted death. _Regardless of how I tried to spin it, her blood was on me, literally. A small laugh escaped from my throat as I broke down into the first realm of complete insanity.

_Snow White._ Suddenly, I was comparing Mackenzie to a Disney character, but I couldn't help it. She looked like she was resting peacefully, waiting for her true love to wake her from sleep. Some prince charming I turned out to be.

Gently, I scooped her up and cradled her in my arms. I didn't fight the loud sobs that emanated from my soulless being.

_No, Edward! No!_ I heard Carlisle shout as he raced into the house. Alice must have foreseen Kenzie's fate, but it had happened faster than her vampiric gift to absorb. Thus, my "family" arrived too late to save either of us.

"Edward," Esme gasped in sheer horror.

I didn't bother to look up but continued to rock Kenzie against my chest. I no longer needed to speculate as to what would lead me to Volterra. The second I decided to take Kenzie's life was the second I resolved to end mine as well. Edward was right; there was no life without Bella.

"Edward, please!" Alice cried, her mind foretelling my future plans.

"Oh, Edward, how could you?" Rosalie whimpered. Her words weren't angry but agonizing. Internally she grieved for me, sympathizing with my loss and somehow understanding my reasoning, though I hadn't spoken.

Ever so gently, I laid Kenzie down, smoothing out her hair. She looked free. _Beautiful, _I couldn't help but think.

"Because," I heard myself say. "I love her."

Edward loved Bella as I loved Kenzie. It was the curse Stephenie Meyer bestowed upon us; the curse of _Twilight._


End file.
